Provided that they remain in employment, by the time 2009 starts the combined ages of the managers of the leading three clubs in the country will be 186. Sir Alex Ferguson, of Manchester United, will be 67 on December 31, Luiz Felipe Scolari, of Chelsea, will have turned 60 and Arsène Wenger, manager of Arsenal, will be 59. Rafael Benitez, of Liverpool, is a comparative spring chicken at 48. Increasingly, managing the elite of English football is becoming an old man’s game.

This used to be said of international coaching. It required an experienced, wiser figure because of the pressure and the long periods of inactivity. A younger man would get bored, would lose focus, or be outwitted. Also, the demands of international management at the top end were unique in football. It was more like boxing because one defeat had such perceived influence. England were coasting through to the World Cup finals in 2006, yet when Sven-Göran Eriksson lost a match against Northern Ireland in Belfast it was as if the campaign was in turmoil.

It would seem that managing at the sharpest end of the Premier League now requires a different approach, too. While some of the most gifted coaches at Euro 2008 are also the youngest – Marco van Basten, 43, of Holland, and Slaven Bilic, 39, of Croatia, in particular – the most exacting club sides are increasingly in need of an older, wiser head to steer the ship. Managing any of the top four now contains the crazy pressure of international football, but without the periods of calm to plan and reflect. It takes 30 years of management experience to handle it, which is why Scolari, for all his rawness in the European club game, is better placed to survive a season at Chelsea than Mark Hughes. Give him another 15 years and he might be ready; he’s only 44, for heaven’s sake.

The elite clubs are so strong, their advantage over the rest so great, that they resemble the powerhouse nations of world football. Considering that Derby County could have been awarded 79 points for a win last season and still would not have overtaken Manchester United, when these teams meet it truly is the equivalent of Italy playing Liechtenstein. So when there is an upset, any upset, for Italy, even if it is against a middle-ranking team such as Romania, who are the equivalent of a tidy Premier League club, such as Everton or Aston Villa, there is instant talk of calamity. Manchester United performed an incredible double of league title and Champions League in 2008, yet a review of their season will identify several moments when the club were depicted as in crisis.

On August 19, after a 1-0 defeat away to Manchester City, United had two points from three games, their worst start in 15 seasons. Then there was the 2-0 home defeat against Coventry City in the Carling Cup, the result of which was widely held to demonstrate that there was nothing coming through at Old Trafford (in the team that day, Anderson, who would later score a penalty in the Champions League final shoot-out, and Nani, tormentor of Arsenal in a 4-0 FA Cup victory).

Most telling was the reaction to a 1-0 defeat away to Bolton Wanderers on November 24 after a winning run that had brought 24 goals in seven games. “It was certainly not a day for Ferguson to invite too close an interrogation of his recent claim that he now boasts his best-ever squad,” The Independent wrote, which was far from alone in expressing doubt. That is all it takes for an inquest at a leading club these days: one unexpected defeat. A manager needs to have been around the block a few times to withstand it.

When I put this to a friend at Chelsea he agreed that since José Mourinho had raised the bar, the unrealistic pressure of going months unbeaten had intensified. Scolari will recognise it from Brazil, a country of 186 million football obsessives. He won’t have that at Chelsea, but one bloke on his case and the rest following the fun will do.

Attired and emotional

Asking the players at Newcastle United to buy their own club suits is like telling the man in the maintenance department to pay for his grease-stained overalls. The fact is, those suits are part of a requirement of the job and therefore should be company issue. If the players get to choose what to wear on match days this is different, but while Newcastle have official club attire, it is as much their duty to provide it as it is to buy kit. What next, Newcastle players in the club shop turning over piles of training gear on the hunt for a bargain?

Mike Ashley, the owner, bought in haste and is repenting in leisurewear. There is more to owning a football club than turning up in a replica shirt, getting the beers in and thinking it makes you one of the lads. Owning Newcastle has given him the public profile he clearly craved but it turns out to be an expensive business, too. Now Ashley is penny pinching because his true interest is finance, not football.

There is no worth in bringing in Kevin Keegan to make a big splash as manager if the reality is an owner skulking around in the background, checking itemised laundry bills for discrepancies. The money saved on the suits will be a false economy once the rest of football looks at Newcastle and sees what they are becoming.

Yes, footballers are highly paid, but that is not the issue. A company that wants to be the best looks after its employees, and therefore gets the best. Who wants to go to Newcastle right now? Observing what has happened in the transfer market this summer, precious few.

Strange kind of justice

It was good to see Uefa’s tough line on FC Porto held for all of a week. Banned from the 2008-09 Champions League for trying to bribe referees in domestic matches during the 2003-04 season, Porto were as good as reinstated on Friday after the sentence was thrown out on appeal. The disciplinary committee will now review the case. And justice will surely be done for, as Michel Platini, the Uefa president, rarely tires of pronouncing, wealthy English clubs are the real cheats. Maybe Manchester United should spend less on players and more on referees.

Sudden death rule

Now it is official. You can be more active dead on a football pitch than alive. And here is the proof. You are the ref 1 (Switzerland versus Czech Republic, European Championship, June 7, 2008) A striker is standing in an offside position but is jogging back to an onside position. He is almost on the shoulder of the last defender when a ball is played forward. A second striker, who starts from an onside position, sprints through to receive the pass, while the first striker makes no attempt to join the play. The second striker scores and the defenders appeal for offside, claiming that the first striker was a distraction. What is your decision?

Answer: Goal. The first striker is not active unless he plays the ball or interferes with sight lines. As he was behind the defender at the time, this does not apply. After all, who would ever be remotely aware or distracted by another person standing behind them? Never happens, does it. You are the ref 2 (Rocky Harbour Seal Clubbers versus Tokyo Tuna Botherers, fictional game in correspondent’s head, right now) A forward is standing in an onside position on the edge of the six-yard box, marked by a lone defender. A stray harpoon from a nearby whaling fleet flies over the top of the main stand and goes through the defender’s neck, severing his jugular veins.

The force of impact takes him three steps backwards and he collapses behind the byline, the first two rows of supporters drenched in his blood, which is now spurting from his throat like a plasma geyser. His body goes into shock and he is dead within 30 seconds. A midfield player hits a long ball into the penalty area and the striker scores. The surviving defenders appeal for offside. What is your decision?

Answer: Goal. Although the man with the harpoon through his neck is, literally, dead when the ball is played, he is, according to Fifa and Uefa, technically still active, having left the field without seeking the referee’s permission. He could be attempting to gain an advantage in a clever way, by stepping off the pitch to play his opponent offside, when he could just as easily have slumped forward and bled to death there; maybe he persuaded a friend or teammate to harpoon him deliberately as a tactical ploy.

Either way, a referee should not be taking any chances. Give the benefit of doubt to the attacking player and be sure that Fifa and Uefa will back you all the way, by inventing interpretations of the rules that bear no relation whatsoever to the incident that occurred to cover up for the fact that a massive error was made. For precedent, see Holland versus Italy, European Championship, June 9, 2008.

Royal appointment

Rio Ferdinand, the Manchester United defender, was made a chief during a recent visit to Nigeria. Fiwagboola is his royal name, which translates as “character maketh wealth”, although having Pini Zahavi as your agent maketh a fair bit of it, too.

In touch with dark side

There is a theory that the reason José Mourinho, coach of Inter Milan, has a suspicious nature is that his methods are so cunning – mind games with rival managers, statements designed to put pressure on league officials or referees – that he presumes the rest of football is the same. He thought it of Sir Alex Ferguson, Frank Rijkaard and Rafael BenÍtez and was probably right. Equally, Manchester United’s presumption of dark arts at Real Madrid suggests experience in these matters. Where from, who can say?

Teutonic variety show

Did you see Germany’s forward line against Croatia? Miroslav Klose (Polish), Lukas Podolski (Polish), plus Oliver Neuville (Swiss) and Kevin Kuranyi (Brazilian) on the bench. I think they’ve given up on this master race idea, don’t you?

martin.samuel@thetimes.co.uk