FOR YOUR HOLIDAYS THIS YEAR, YOU ARE

A Pitching a tent in your back garden, using materials salvaged from a hedgerow

B Catching a ferry to a yurt hotel in Spain

C Taking a NetJet to see the Monaco Grand Prix

YOU PROPOSED TO YOUR WIFE WITH

A A daisy chain

B A conflict-free diamond mined by “happy” blind people

C Three yellow solitaire-cut diamonds from Sierra Leone

3 YOUR SWIMMING POOL IS

A Actually a pond

B Solar-heated

C Indoor, with an electro-powered mock waterfall and a built-in wave machine, left constantly running for “atmosphere” 4 YOUR CHILDREN’S PACKED LUNCH INCLUDES

A Homemade bread and breast milk

B Organix Carrot Stix treats

C Champagne

5 YOUR DAILY MODE OF TRANSPORT IS

A Shoes made from recycled tyres

B A Brompton fold-up bike

C A Hummer 6

YOUR IDEAL PRESENT IS

A Time

B A year’s supply of Abel & Cole veg boxes

C A wetbike safari around the Great Barrier Reef 7

YOU LAST WENT TO A FANCY-DRESS PARTY AS

A “Fire”

B Captain Planet

C General Pinochet 8

YOU HAVE A PET

A Alpaca

B Lurcher from Battersea Dogs’ Home

C Racehorse training in Dubai 9

YOU HAVE JUST STARTED GROWING YOUR OWN

A Cotton

B Zucchini flowers

C Mahogany – for the interior of your yacht 10

YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE IS

A The Apprentice

B EasyJet flights for weekends in Ibiza

C A soy latte

HOW YOU SCORED...

Mostly As You are a holier-than-thou, greener-than-green, fully fledged hippie. Go shave your armpits Mostly Bs You are a bona fide scuppie. Dave and Sam would be so, so proud. Go join the Tory party Mostly Cs You are among the last of the yuppies. Go to Russia, where you can still behave like a ponce and have some friends

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