Ask your daughter to detail everything she fears about going to school. Listen. Read for yourself the symptoms of people with Asperger's syndrome, easily found online.Get psychological assessment as soon as possible.
Use online schooling.
Teenage suicides invariably attended schools.

Mary Saunders, Walthamstow, London, England

im the same but i have the option of getting home tutoring i feel more safer and all at home and ive suffered for a while with anorexic nervousa and depression and etc at the minute im at counselling and i cry everytime im talking about school i have school phobia which is not good.

megan, belfast,

I was diagnosed as school phobic at 15 (it started when I was 14), though it was probably more a case of SR. I still did my GCSEs, got enough to do my A-levels and went on to get a 2:1 at uni (psychology oddly enough). It doesn't have to mess up her life or anything, just be supportive, she'll be ok

Natasha, N'pton,

School refusal is NOT an illness. As stated, runaway slaves were not ill!
Most schools are ghastly, worse than prison. Crowded, violent, and NOT learning communities.

We made a small successful (online) school, First College UK, for our son. . Wish we could help more kids but it has to stay small.

Shan Morgain, Newport Wales, UK

We have the same problem with our son - just refuses to go to school. we've tried all the tactics mentioned - no good!
We are now listening to what he wants and trying to find a good online education option - any ideas?

Kevin , Elmswell,

I was a SR - after 2 weeks at senior school I decided it wasn't for me. Looking back, I was mature for my age & school was like being trapped in a lunatic asylum - I can't find fault in my decision. After 3 years I came back, caught up & got a place at Oxford. Be supportive & don't give up.

Nick, Chester, uk

I sympathise entirely. We had a similar problem with our oldest daughter, who is now 16. She did her GCSE's a year early and got really good results, but that was only after we pulled her out of a very good (and understanding) boarding school and sent her to the local (and not so good) comp.

Rose Parker, Halton, UK

..after a foal we bought as a field companion. She has finally become motivated to pursue her chosen career as an equine vet, plus is now searching for saturday employment to pay for her keep.
AMAZING - after so much heartache and illness on my behalf - needing BOTH knees replaced at 46!

Rose Parker, Halton, UK

It may be nothing to do with school. How much time do you all spend together as family? Maybe she just wants a bit more time with you and knows that she can it by doing this. Not saying this is the answer but don't assume the problem lies with the school just because this is what's suffering.

Charley Hasted, Stoke on Trent, UK

If your daughter is very bright and having difficulties with social relationships with her peers she may have an underlying disability which is not her fault and certainly not yours. Be prepared to listen to her, My daughter is one of four and has had the same problem. It is not schizophrenic.

ep, Manchester,

Just let her be who she is. I dragged myself through High School and University because it was what I was expected to do. I wish I had the balls this girl has. I might have ended up in University anyway, but it would have been a different person attending as it would have come from my own choice.

David, Bet Rimon, Israel

I'm rather worried that the counsellor you saw convinced that being an only child was one of your daughter's problems. Obviously I don't know you or your daughter, but there is an awful lot of unecessary handwringing over only children. I'm one, and I'm perfectly well adjusted. Don't feel guilty!

Marie Borard, Rochester, MA

She must either get a job, or go to school.

Its fine to leave school and work young if she does not need a degree for her field.

I started working at 15 and at 44 I can retire whenever I choose.

School may not suit her, or not be needed for her field.

Her own path? Only on her own wings.

David, Portland, OR, USA

We had this problem with one of our brothers starting around 16. He refused to get out of bed and go to school. My mother was frantic with him daily. He later developed schizophrenia. Had we known the signs, we could have spared ourselves the stress and maybe he could have used the extra sleep.

Noname, Atlanta, USA

School is in contradiction of millions of years of successful evolution. It largely leaves children at the mercy and ignorance of a narrow group of people all their own age. The mystery is that anyone can bear it. Most dislike it. Have you met anyone that would like to go back and relive it?

Claire, Ilfracombe, England

School contradicts millions of years of successful evolution. It largely leaves children to the ignorance and mercy of a narrow group of their own age. How anyone can bear it is a mystery. It put me off education. I was a model student but by thirteen I'd become utterly miserable and gave up.

Claire, Ilfracombe, England

Just let her leave school for goodness sake !

I left at 15 with 2 O levels, unable to stand school any more. I sat around at home for months until I got my head together, found a job, took O and A levels by correspondence courses and went to Oxford.

I'm now a retired teacher myself.

Joyce Hackney, Littleover, England, UK

We've homeschooled our children from the beginning. Our oldest just received a full merit scholarship to a top-rated university. All our children are active in the community, well-educated, and very social. Tell her to either get a job and support herself or homeschool, but set her free!

Mel, NC, USA

Hey! the girl is 15 - why not take a deep breath - 'skip' this year - as in fact you have !
She leaves at 16 - then let her look round at her options (note her options - not mum and dad's) perhaps a local college or a job! It is her life! bill gates dropped out of university!

pat , halifax, england

I'm appalled that Dr Byron agrees this is a mental illness. It is as though psychiatrists and psychologists in the mainstream have decided that schooling is a "normal" part of growing up. It wasn't for hundreds of thousands of years. Let her stay at home and see if that solves the mental illness.

Fee Berry, Uxbridge, England

These parents have clearly not been strict enough with her that she can roll out of bed and decide not to go to school without any repercussions.

Grace, Dublin, Ireland

Get someone she trusts to ask her why.

There is almost invariably has a reason for someone refusing to go to school, and when you know the reason it's a lot easier to find a solution.

But "making life at home as uncomfortable as possible" isn't the way to begin, and it makes her trust you less.

Peter Fairbrother, Trowbridge, UK

Schools are not a substitute for the home. But people have forced them into such and this is the result. All these "disorders" that doctors come up with that were not a problem last century when children were raised to be prepaired for life and parents understood rugged individualism.

Fred, Paris, USA

A time will come when kids' 'disorders' will often be interpreted as, in part, parental/familial dysfunction, utter failure of schools to offer humane individual growth, and social failure, in assuming 'education' is just about jobs. Gould peddles a broken model of social/personal development.

John M, Stockholm, Sweden

Time for her to get a job and start pulling her weight.

Jerry Scroggin, Phoenix, Arizona/USA

Why not let her home-educate? Contact www.education-otherwise.co.uk for information and advice. School is NOT the optimum place for many children, and maybe she' s realising that.

Tracy, Ireland,

Why do we all have to conform. Why not take the stress off her and let her stay at home. There are other ways of getting an education and living. What about home school or do you not have that in Britain? Let us all be individuals.

vicki, sydney, australia

This girl sounds like me 10 years ago. However like the adults here, everyone in my life missed what was really going on. I was being harrassed by a bunch of kids at school after being date raped by one of thier boyfreinds. I was too ashamed to tell anyone the truth. Theres more here too I believe

Rae, Amarillo, USA

As a teacher, I can say this: I cannot remember a situation that has not been caused by the parents rather than the student. It is less likely to be HER fault than YOUR fault.

Clive, Monterrey, Mexico

I didn't refuse to go to school, but turned up in the mornings, registered and then skipped classes.
Despite this, I ended up with good grades, but I sympathise with anyone hating the system, which is based around bringing poorly performing kids up to scratch - NOT encouraging bright pupils.

Maxine, London, England

I left school before my 15th birthday and went out to work. I retired at 47 and moved abroad and have since lived a life of actually enjoying myself in the company of my none working wife of some 36 years of marriage. I am now 60 The school leaving age should not have been changed. I hated school

Paul Barrett, Valletta, Malta

A friend solved a rather different problem efficiently. Her daughter, who attended a very good school, said that she didn't think that she wanted to go to University. 'Fine' said her mother, 'you don't even have to take 'A' levels, you can leave at 16 and get a job'. Collapse of stroppy adolescent.

Dectora, London, UK

I had a similar problem in my teens, (it wasn't a "syndrome" then) :due to bullying I refused to go to school, so I was given a half-way house option, a "school-room" in the local hospital from where I gradually began to attend classes again. Home schooling is limited and can isolate you further.

J , Oxford,

How about listening to your child without comments. Something could have happened to her at school that she is too embarrassed to talk about. You need to love her by respecting her emotions. You might try holding her and putting your arms around her - she might open up to you. Assure your love.

Ellie, California, USA

Good grief, since when is hating school a mental illness?! Consider it a plus that she's strong willed enough to confront the problem head on rather than suffer in silence, truant, self-harm or worse.

Don't drug her, listen to her! If she really doesn't want to go to school let her study at home.

Ruth , Godalming, UK

Wouldn't it be amazing if you could have your daughter at home with you ALL the time? Home education allows you to teach your daughter, and let her grow in confidence and self-esteeem. Here is a website with a lot more information on.

http://www.home-education.org.uk

Listen to you Child!!!

Jennifer, Birmingham, Great Britain

What is all the fuss about?. I left school at 15, I am now 73 & can still write, read & converse better than many of those in higher education. Also mastered this laptop!, from which I shop, write e letters etc. Let this girl get on with life & leave school behind.

Heather , Louth, England

How about not pandering to her whining and instead of all this hand-wringing nonsense, drag her to school like any normal parent and get on with it.

If I'd have tried that sort of trick with my parents I'd have been greeted by a world of no dinner, no TV, no anything, until I went to school.

James, Nottingham, UK

I was like this child once. Obviously each case is unique but in my situation it was all down to bullying at school. However the education department and psychologists used me as an experiment and moved me around. I missed 5 years of school in total. I still managed college and law school.

Rob, London, UK

Have you ever heard of "drapetomania"? This was the 'disorder' (invented) that caused slaves to run away. 'School refusal' and 'school phobia' are the same. This is a label we apply to children who cannot bear their situation. Help her find a different one. Home education is a legal option.

Allie, Brighton,

Dr Byron believes that children who don't want to go to school are mentally ill ! Did she ever go to school herself ? Maybe the parents could be supportive by investigating how they could remove their child from a situation which is distressing her so much. Just a thought ....

David Jones, Lee,

If she is too big to drag, I suggest you copy and paste.

Chris, Wokingham, England

This is an awful problem. It occurred with our number one son and I'm still not 100% sure why. We were lucky in that we were in a position to send him to a top school that he had chosen , which tested him physically and mentally and where he became very successful and happy. Good luck.

Steve, Argyll,

School is not the be-all and end-all. Have her homeschool with a recognised correspondence course until the time comes (if it does) that she returns to school.

The importance is that she learns and develops skills to self-learn - not that she attends an often unkind and unnatural institution.

Melchior, NYC, USA

Perhaps the fault lies at the schools, if they were more interesting they might keep the kids focused and doing all the things they should be doing rather then what they should not. It stems also from respect instilled at a young age, if Mum lets them get away with it what chance has the teachers!

Dave Farmer, Broxbourne, England

A relative was/is like this; low confidence and family tensions were the long-term causes, manifested in difficulties with friendship group at school and eventual "who cares, it can go to hell" mentality. Very best of luck, I hope your daughter can build up her inner strength and it gets easier.

Amy Allen, London,

I left school at 16, 2 years longer than I would have liked. I hated it.
Now 40 years old I have no regrets, teachers are losers and I still detest them and their silly schools.
I earn above average income, nice house, good job and ma happy.
My advice, leave school ASAP , those who can do!

Mark Greenwood, London, England

I think it better to find the underlying problem before moving back to the 1st school. Moving schools brings its own issues and making a decision after 1day may be presumptive. Moving her back again might be confusing when she needs consistency too. CAMHS service will do a comprehensive evaluation

Mr Ian, Qld, Australia

Teenagers are known for wanting control. So give her options: go to school, get qualifications, or home school if she will do it or treat as an adult. She will need to earn her keep; a cleaning job? That may be enough for a public school educated child to see sense or pinpoint the problem.

J Emerson, Warwickshire,