In his still-popular 1927 travel book H.V.Morton wrote: “I have gone round England like a magpie, picking up any bright thing that pleased me.”

This line sprang to mind during my stay at the strangely named Cotswolds88hotel - which describes itself as an “intimate lifestyle hotel in the hauntingly beautiful Cotswold village of Painswick” - for two reasons.

The first was that it was certainly a “bright thing”: a distinguished Palladian building decked out with funky designer chairs, zebra-striped chaises longues, weird chrome statues, splashes of modern art, and retro wallpaper...a veritable orgy of brightness.

The second was a table in the dining room on which two peculiar magpies (“fakes”, said the waiter) were peering down, perched on the hands of cherubs wearing masks - putting me off my meal a bit.

Local knowledge: The Cotswolds

Vincent Crump asked the natives to share the secrets of England’s prettiest patch

• Cotswolds without the mud

• Picnic in the perfect park

• 50 places to eat in the great outdoors

Background

• Cotswolds88hotel, Painswick, Gloucestershire

• Dial House, Bourton-on-the-Water, Gloucestershire

• The New Inn at Coln, Gloucestershire

• The Priory Inn, Tetbury, Gloucestershire

• The Hotel Kandinsky, Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

Background

• Hotel on the Park, Cheltenham, Glouc

• Cotswold Water Park Four Pillars Hotel, South Cerney, Gloucestershire

• The Kings Head Inn, Bledington, Gloucestershire

• Wild Duck Inn, Ewen, Cirencester, Gloucestershire

• Painswick Hotel & Restaurant, Painswick, Gloucestershire

Related Internet Links

• More reviews of Gloucestershire hotels

Related Links

• The New Inn at Coln, Gloucestershire

Cotswolds88, which opened last August, is definitely “out there”. It is run by Marchella de Angelis, a founder of Lounge Lover, a members club in Shoreditch, East London, who describes the hotel “vibe” as “soulful hip”. The “88” in the name is apparently a numerology thing: Marchella is into numbers.

Never mind, I thought - we all have our quirks. And it was Cotswolds88's quirks that made the hotel work.

My room was fantastic. It had bulbous mirrors, burgundy and gold bed cushions with a spaghetti-like texture, popcorn “Munchies!”, and a little bathroom with posh toiletries of the “Olive fruit oil nourishing shampoo: natural recipe with avocado oil” variety.

Very soulful hip, I decided. But the restaurant was a disappointment. Apart from the magpies, I was the only diner. At a table with a black candle burning in a silver holder, I ate jumbo prawns with ginger, followed by salmon with red peppers, and crème brûlée thinking: “Yes it's funky, but right now it's dull; get me out of here!”

So I did. I had a walk around Painswick (population 3,000). It was indeed “hauntingly beautiful” with a wonderful church, sloping streets and old buildings.

I had a pint of Budding ale at the Royal Oak and chatted to locals, who told me that my hotel “could have been cheesy and boring, but it's fun”.

Back at the hotel, I realised they were right. Cotswolds88 may be unashamedly pretentious, but at least, I concluded, it tries. It's a bright thing, and doesn't care who knows it.

Bottom line Mystery Guest paid £155 for a double.
Sampling the fare Three courses £46pp with wine.
Best thing More-ishly mad.
Worst thing Restaurant atmosphere.

Need to know Cotswolds88hotel, Painswick, Gloucs GL6 6YB; 01452 813688; www.cotswolds88hotel.com

Room 7 out of 10
Food 5.5 out of 10
Service 8 out of 10
Value 6.5 out of 10
Score 6.75

PUT TO THE TEST: 20 Mystery Guest questions for Cotswolds88hotel...

1 Do rooms have kettles/coffee makers? And is there fresh milk?

No.

2 Is there a hairdryer, and is it fixed to a wall?

Hand-held hairdyers available

3 Are coathangers metal, wooden, removable?

Wooden and removable.

4 Complimentary bottle of water?

Yes.

5 Sheets and blankets or duvets?

Duvets are standard, but you can ask for sheets and blankets.

6 What about a 'pillow menu'?

Goose pillows are standard but synthetic pillows available on request.

7 Is lighting good enough for reading?

Yes

8 Is there a shaving/make up mirror? And is it well lit?

No, and mirrors in bathrooms are not well lit

9 What about the in-room entertainment system?

Standard rooms have televisions only

10 Is there a temperature control panel?

Yes, but only in a quarter of rooms - ask when making booking.

11 Do the windows open?

Yes

12 Is there good sound-proofing?

Sound-proofing was good in Mystery Guest's room

13 Is there internet access in the room/lobby?

Yes, free wireless internet throughout

14 Is there a good place to go jogging nearby? Or a gym?

Lots of countryside to jog in. No gym

15 What is the vegetarian food selection like?

Two main vegetarian dishes usually

16 Is there baby listening/babysitting? And are children welcome at adults' evening meals?

Yes there is baby-listening/babysitting. Children welcome up to 7.30pm

17 Is there wheelchair access to all areas?

No

18 Do you get a free paper in the morning?

No

19 Is there a pub round the corner?

Several

20 Is there free car parking? And is it secure?

Yes

Times recommends

• First test of the world’s newest theme park
• My hols: Moby
• It's Armani v Versace in Dubai