A spa, spa better thing

Nobody has yet explained to Neofile’s satisfaction why a hotel spa treatment costs as much as a three-Michelin-starred meal. But we’ll part with the cash more graciously at the Lilianfels Blue Mountains Resort (www.lilianfels.com.au ), in New South Wales, next year, as it’s pledging a fiver out of the £75 bill for a scrummy organic Kuush facial to Breast Cancer Australia.

Get off, I’m sleeping

Sleep is, we’re sad to say, the new sex, and ultra-exclusive Frégate Island, in the Seychelles, is rising to the challenge. Guests are now offered a pillow menu with 20 choices, including an antiageing one (infused with vitamin E) and an eco-version made from buckwheat spelt. Sounds scratchy, but, as there’s also a choice of aromatherapy fragrances, duvets and even mattresses, we should nod off eventually.

Thong and dance

Fans of New York’s Hotel Gansevoort, who include Leonardo DiCaprio and Lindsay Lohan (right), are eagerly awaiting the February opening of its Miami property (www.gansevoorthotelgroup.com ; doubles from £315). It promises to be deliciously decadent, with a sexy beach bar, a lobby with a 50ft shark tank and the world’s largest rooftop playground, complete with a 110ft palm-fringed pool, the hottest DJs and a strict dress code – anyone wearing more than a thong won’t be admitted.

Shanghai surprise

“Carbon neutral” and “China” are not words you’d normally expect to find in the same sentence. Full eco-marks, then (though none for spelling), to Shanghai’s new Urbn Hotel (www.urbnhotels.com; doubles from £135), which uses low-energy everything, recycles and offsets all sorts, from television usage to staff commutes. Gives you a warm feeling, doesn’t it? Though that could just be global warming.

It’s Grims up north

Norway must be getting trendy. You can tell because its hoteliers have come over all pretentious. Witness Grims Grenka (www. designhotels.com ; doubles £134), which opens next month in Oslo. It claims to be less a hotel, more a “lifestyle experiment”. Granted, the decor is stunning, from the moss garden built into the reception desk to the “floating” beds (an illusion created by clever lighting), but Grims Grenka? The name is so awful, we have no choice but to award it nul points.

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