Brian Schofield
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From The Sunday Times
November 25, 2007
Avoid the honeymooners
The one thing you don’t want on a honeymoon is other honeymooners. So, skip the stilted villa and make a romantic escape of your own
So, what was your colour scheme? Steel band or string quartet? Cava or prosecco? Jerusalem or Bread of Heaven? Marquee or ballroom? Buffet or silver service? Silk or lace? Shall I kill myself now with the grapefruit knife, or wait until dinner and use the lobster crackers?”
Wedding chat. You either love it, or you’re a man. Which is why, if ever you want to see the very acme of badly concealed despair, you should look at the face of a brand-new groom as the breakfast-buffet small talk reveals an awful truth – that he’s just forked out a king’s ransom to spend his honeymoon surrounded by honeymooners.
“Oh, my dear Lord,” the blank eyes and wobbling grin seem to cry out. “I’ve just survived 12 weeks of pretending to care about table decorations and canapé trays; now I have to spend the next fortnight reliving every detail with a charming couple from Tunbridge Wells. Come sunset, I’m over the fence.”
Sadly, this is not a rare event. All of that thoroughly modern pressure to book the top-whack “holiday of a lifetime” – if it ain’t an overwater villa or a treetop lodge, it surely ain’t love – cracks too many of us, and we end up flexing the plastic and waking up in Honeymoon Central.
Even if all the other lovebirds don’t get on your nerves, there’s a distinct possibility that, while the whole “exotic luxury resort thing” can be a joy, you won’t quite shake the feeling that the 14-hour flight, or the succession of early safari starts, might have been a better basis for a wholly different holiday.
A holiday, perhaps, that wasn’t preceded by a wedding? Because all you really want, straight after the biggest day (and, often, most stressful build-up) of your life, is to relax, reflect, spend loads of time together – and never discuss a flower arrangement again.
Here, then, are some royally romantic honeymoons (or, indeed, second honeymoons) to meet that prescription and to let you escape the, ahem, sausage factories. Prices, unsurprisingly, are based on two people sharing a double bed.
START WITH THE FINNISH
If you’re having a midsummer wedding, consider heading north for a spot of splendid isolation in a Scandinavian waterfront cottage. You could try the Swedish archipelago, but if you really want to escape the crowds, the stunning unsung hero is Finland. Its lake district offers dense, hide-from-the-world forests, predictably stylish pine cabins and bewilderingly long summer days. A pair of bicycles, a canoe for two, a barbecue and a lakefront balcony – if it weren’t for the taxes, you’d never come home. Black Tomato (020 7610 9008, www.blacktomato.co.uk) can put it all together from £799pp for a week, including flights from Heathrow to Kuopio via Helsinki and a transfer to Lake Salahminjarvi. For further enticing Scandinavian ideas, check out Simply Sweden (0845 890 0300, www.simplysweden.co.uk).
YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE AMSTERDAM
A lot of ’mooners choose to pause in a romantic city before they jet off on the big trip. Sadly, they pick the wrong place. You’ll struggle to escape the carefully packaged love in Paris, but in Amsterdam, all you have to do is steer clear of the sleazy stuff and you’ll have time and space to spare. Hang out around the stunning Prinsengracht canal and the bohemian suburb of the Jordaan – and, of course, for a simple pleasure, rent old-fashioned ’dammer bikes. Hotel Pulitzer, on Prinsengracht, is suitably swish for a first night (00 31 20 523 5235, www.pulitzer.nl; doubles from £160). Rent bikes from Bike City, at 68-70 Bloemgracht (£7 per day). Amsterdam is five hours away by train, via the Eurostar to Brussels (0870 518 6186, www.eurostar.com); airlines serving the city include EasyJet (www.easyjet.com) and KLM (0870 507 4074, www.klm.com).
ROLL WITH IT
It hasn’t taken long for a few entrepreneurial types to connect the travails of today’s airports, the consciences of modern travellers and the standards of Europe’s whizzy new trains, and produce luxurious and relaxing holidays that never leave the ground. Consider, for example, heading straight from the wedding breakfast onto a nine-day Italian Grand Tour, with European Rail (020 7619 1080, www.erail.co.uk). It takes in the best hotels in Rome, Florence and Venice, via high-speed overnight couchettes; prices range from £553pp to £1,518pp, depending on your room and train choices. Alternatively, head due south and, in 10 days, you can tick off Madrid, Cordoba, Granada and Seville (from £675pp to £1,450pp). Or try Railbookers (0844 482 1010, www.railbookers.com).
WINTER, WHY WARMER?
The winter wedding is now commonplace – but however much the couple enjoy their snow sports, they seem invariably to get straight on the plane to the sunny side of the planet. Why not do what you love? Our ski editor, Sean Newsom, recommends Chalet Mozart, a beautiful and rare one-bedroom chalet in Verbier, only two minutes from the piste. But he does have a word of warning: “Only choose a ski honeymoon if you’re at a similar standard. Otherwise, you’ll spend too much time apart – and you might lose your wife to a ski instructor inside a week.” What a romantic soul. A week for two at Chalet Mozart starts at £1,400 with Ski Verbier (020 7385 8050, www.skiverbier.com), including transfers, but not flights. Airlines flying to Geneva include Swiss (0845 601 0956, www.swiss.com) and EasyJet (www.easyjet.com).
THE SICILIAN DEFENCE
The Aeolians, tiny pimples off the coast of Sicily, have become high-end honeymoon hot spots, but the “mainland” is large, varied and, for many, intimidating enough to disappear into and track down true peace in. The interior of the southeast of the island is considered the thinking visitor’s Sicily, with baroque hilltop towns linked by serpentine roads through genteel, uncluttered countryside. Find yourself an isolated farmhouse, pop to the local market for supplies – and relax. The Sicilian Villa Company (0871 711 0089, www.thesicilianvillacompany.com) offers properties with a pool from £600 a week; fly to Catania with British Airways (0870 850 9850, www.ba.com) or Air Malta (0845 607 3710, www.airmalta.com). Or try Think Sicily (020 7377 8518, www.thinksicily.co.uk).
NORMAN CONGRESS
You’re on honeymoon, so there’s no shame in laziness – and there’s no shame in simply hopping on the ferry to Caen, driving all of 10 minutes into the undulating Normandy countryside, then stopping. Particularly if you’ve booked the private studio at Le Manoir de Cauvicourt, an elegant chateau set in ornamental gardens just outside the village of Bretteville-sur-Laize. You get a private garden, a giant sunken double bath and bohemian decor; and beyond the gates are the strolling beaches, pottering villages and ceaseless menus of Normandy. It’s the archetypal smart honeymoon – it might not sound that impressive at a dinner party, but it’s a holiday built for love. A week starts at £400 (01865 201444, www.holidaylettings.co.uk/5061), and there’s a second property, Le Petit Manoir, as a Plan B. Brittany Ferries (0870 907 6103, www.brittany-ferries.co.uk) has return crossings from Portsmouth to Caen, with car, from about £280 for two people, in a posh cabin. For more cute Norman bolt holes, try Chez Nous (www.cheznous.com).
ESCAPE MARRAKESH...
...and head for Essaouira. A riad break is certainly tempting, but, for many couples, the mercantile mania and coach-party mobs of Marrakesh leave them confined to their rooms for too long, even for a honeymoon. Get out after a night or two and haul west for two hours, to the far more laid-back Atlantic town of Essaouira. You can still stay in a swanky riad (L’Heure Bleue is by far the pick), but, beyond the ornamental doors, life moves at a donkey-drawn pace, so you can dedicate your days to sipping mint tea on the town square, wandering along the capacious beach and gorging yourself at the harbour’s open-air fish grills. You won’t even need a hubble-bubble to relax here. Rediscover Morocco (0870 740 6306, www.rediscover.co.uk) can put together a week at L’Heure Bleue, following a day in Marrakesh, for £1,095pp, including flights from London or Manchester and transfers.
WHAT COD HAS JOINED TOGETHER
You won’t be the first distinguished Briton to take a honeymoon on this scenic spit of land – Gordon Brown tarried awhile here after his nuptials – but UK visitors to Cape Cod are still rare. In high summer, it should stay that way, as the place gets crammed with Bostonians, but in spring and autumn, you’re on to a winner – the East Coast flight to perfect windswept beaches, all the aphrodisiac seafood you can handle, and a choice of cosseting country inns or your own palatial (and, in these times, cheerfully cheap) beachfront home. The latter option is probably the best way to enjoy time to yourselves – and, with the Cape’s ridiculous range of restaurants, it’s not as if you’ll be washing many dishes. The Vacations Group (01582 469661, www.vacationsgroup.co.uk) can put together a 14-night trip, with a week in a beach house, overnight stops in Boston and a few nights in Vermont or Rhode Island, from £1,395pp, including BA flights from Heathrow to Boston and car hire.
LASTLY... LUNDY
Don’t snigger. This lonely outcrop off the North Devon coast has the cult classic of honeymoons, unknown to the bulk of us, but worshipped by a handful of fans. Twenty-three Landmark Trust properties are spread out over the three-mile length of the island, offering exactly the simple pleasures that many couples seek: peace, isolation, an open fire and not a whole heap to do. Luxury may not be on offer – one cottage doesn’t yet have electricity – but windblown, starry-skied romance certainly is. And you can always check into somewhere swanky back on the mainland when the craving for comfort kicks in. The Landmark Trust (01628 825925, www.landmarktrust.org.uk; ask for the free Lundy brochure) rents out the cottages from £65 a night. Boat transfers cost £52pp return. Highcliffe House, in Lynton, is a lovely place to be pampered back in Devon (01598 752235, www.highcliffehouse.co.uk; doubles from £92).
Naively, I booked a cottage on the west coast of Scotland overlooking the Isle of Mull for our honeymoon.
I didn't realise that the nearest shop (for basics like milk and newspapers) was 30 minutes in the car.
There was nothing there. No people, no houses, no tourist attractions, nothing!
The owner of the cottage panicked when he realised we were on our honeymoon as the twin beds had thick frames which didn't meet when pushed together.
Some carefully placed blankets, quantities of wine and quiet ensured the most blissful and joyful of all honeymoons.
God bless Scotland.
Michael Chatfield, Chaguanas, Trinidad