Christopher Hart
Stories and Songs on today's free French CD, with The Times

First impressions are not good. The new £62m theme park lies a couple of miles outside historic but unlovely Chatham, where Dickens lived between the ages of 5 and 10, while his father worked in the Navy Pay Office. But that was back in the days of stagecoaches, sailing ships and acres of bustling dockyards.
Today, Chatham is shrunk to a shabby high street of Poundland and Primark. You drive out to a large retail park, and there, sandwiched between an Odeon multiplex and a Marks & Spencer outlet, stands a vast aluminium hangar housing the latest monument to our second national author. Stuck high up on the front is a big white clock that chimes on the hour, then opens to disgorge a kind of gondola with the great man himself sitting in it.
So, this is a straightforward, predictable case of high culture being co-opted by brute, ugly commerce, yes? Hard-faced philistine businessmen travestying one of our best-loved writers for the sake of easy moolah, while the literary establishment looks on and mourns the loss of something delicate and beautiful, trampled beneath the hooves of the swinish multitude? You’d think so, to read some of the rumpus around it. “The horror! The horror!” one bookish observer writes allusively. But the reality is far more complicated and interesting.
For a start, by no means the entire literary establishment has turned up its dainty collective nose at the enterprise. The Dickens Fellowship is behind it all the way; and it shows. Thelma Grove, formerly joint secretary of the fellowship, points out the distinctly well-chosen quote around the walls, from the lisping Mr Sleary in Hard Times: “People mutht be amuthed, thomehow; they can’t be alwayth a working, nor yet they can’t be alwayth a learning. Make the betht of uth; not the wurtht.”
Go on in and you find yourself in a warren of dingy, gaslit cobbled streets and old inn yards, gloomy prison facades and sooty brick walls, each sooty brick hand-painted. In truth, they’re “sooty” “bricks”. Nothing is quite what it seems. Gaslight is not gaslight, bricks are not bricks and soot is not soot; but the fakery is expert, devoted and convincing for those who choose to go with their imaginations in tow.
We pass an advert, painted on a wall, for Whooping Cough Tincture Containing Syrup of Squills. Grove says an American journalist has already written this up as “Syrup of Squirrels”. She sighs. Squills are little blue flowers, whose dried bulbs can be used as an expectorant. Squirrels are small, bushy-tailed arboreal rodents. Ingesting any part of them, even in syrup form, has no effect on whooping cough. “Americans,” I sigh sympathetically. Grove marches on.
There’s an evocative schoolroom, with mouldy, crumbling plasterwork, grim little wooden desks and stern admonitions scrolling round the walls: Respect Thy Elders; Be Seen and Not Heard. There’s Fagin’s Den, actually a soft play area for younger children. No, don’t laugh. As Grove points out, what locale from Dickens would you choose? Mr Bumble’s workhouse? Dotheboys Hall, with Mrs Squeers force-feeding the boys brimstone and treacle? At least, in Fagin’s Den, they ate well, weren’t bullied and had fun.
Characters from Dickens’s books are brought to life by a mixture of old-fashioned actors and robotic wizardry. The animatronics look impressive, although, as they get more and more lifelike by the year, you can’t help thinking back anxiously to the movie Westworld. What if an animatronic Mrs Gamp should blow a fuse, or scorch a circuit board, and go berserk in the soft-play area? Or Quilp? My God, it doesn’t bear thinking about. Sounds like a novel by JG Ballard.
Back to reality. Sorry, “reality”. The high point of the theme park is surely the dark boat ride through the filthy backwaters of the Thames, complete with animatronic rats swimming in the dyed-brown water and a ragged boy glimpsed peeing in a darkened creek. The boat will then rise up through a sewer, as far as I could make out – “really quite splashy”, according to Grove – and emerge to fly over a nighttime cityscape of Victorian London.
One obvious objection to all this is the tastelessness of turning the very real poverty and squalor of early-Victorian London into 21st-century entertainment. It’s Dickens lite: anaemic, sterile, tamed. There will be no child actors with running sores dying of diphtheria. You’ll see no 12-year-old prostitute as Dickens saw her, “barely past her childhood, but born and bred in neglect and vice”. There’ll be the river, but no Jesse Hexam dredging corpses out of it. There’ll be no Jo the Crossing-Sweeper, nor Krook, in that spectacularly weird scene – even by Dickensian standards – being rendered by spontaneous combustion into a smoking puddle of human lard. There will be nothing, in short, to frighten the kiddies.
The unashamedly commercial side of the park will give some people the horrors, too: the Dickensian Shopping Mall, the nightly menu of “naughty delights” in the Free and Easy Victorian Music Hall, and the hard-sell Old Curiosity Shoppe, its medieval spelling bearing no relation to Dickens whatsoever. But will the shoppe at least sell Dickens’s books? Oh yes, says Kevin Christie, and DVDs of the movies, too.
Christie is the business brain behind it all, a veteran of money-raising from the film and televi-sion worlds. With his hearty laugh, longish hair sticking out from under his safety helmet, and cheerful dismissal of the puritan tendency, he’s an endearing character. His rejection of the idea of child actors is characteristic: “Too much like child labour!”
A journalist from Le Journal du Dimanche confides in me towards the end of our visit, wrinkling her delicate Gallic nose, “In France, we would not ’ave zis. A Zola’s World or a Flaubert’s World.” The idea of a Flaubert World made me laugh so much, it was a moment of epiphany. A huge aluminium hangar in a retail park on the outskirts of Le Havre, perhaps. Visit Homais’s chemist’s shop! Buy Emma Bovary arsenic as a souvenir! No, the French will never have a Flaubert World. They treat all culture with far more kid-gloved solemnity and respect than we do. But is that necessarily to culture’s advantage?
Besides, Flaubert is too adult to inspire boat rides and theme parks. Reading any of the other 19th-century greats – Thackeray, George Eliot, Tolstoy, you feel you are an adult being addressed by an adult. Reading Dickens, himself a perpetual child in many ways, you often feel you, too, are a child again, being entertained by a brilliant, very funny and slightly scary conjuror at a children’s party. A Dickens theme park makes perfect sense.
Perhaps the best argument in favour of Dickens World is that Dickens himself would have loved it. With his rows of fake books in the library at Gad’s Hill, he was no intellectual snob, insisting that his works must be taken pure and authentically, a kind of intellectual self-medication, like swallowing spoonfuls of cod-liver oil, because it’s good for you. “He was the ultimate showman,” Christie says. “He was the populist.” And, though some see this as a battle-field between art and commerce, between purists and tourists, other literary voices echo Christie’s view precisely.
“Highbrows may consider it all disgracefully low,” the literary critic John Carey says. “But that is how highbrows in Dickens’s day regarded Dickens. They sneered at him for not being a gentleman, and thought his novels melodramatic and sensational. For me, anything that draws people’s attention to Dickens is good, because it makes it likelier that they will try reading him. He was quite used to dramatised versions of his novels being put on at the popular theatres, even while they were still appearing in their serial parts. I think he would have written screamingly funny letters about Dickens World to his friends, and made sure that he got a hefty slice of the profits.”
Claire Tomalin, the biographer of Dickens’s wife, suggests not only that would he have approved of the project, but that, “given the chance, he would be in there performing for the crowds. He was an entertainer: he loved an audience, and he wanted his work to be accessible to everyone, so boat rides, Fagin’s Den and animatronic rats would have delighted him”. And, by coincidence, she quotes the lines that adorn the walls of the entrance to Dickens World: “People mutht be amuthed . . . ”
Dickens World opens on Friday; www.dickensworld.co.uk
I enjoyed my day out at Dickens World, it was a fun day filled with suprises, the staff had lots of energy, you could tell they enjoyed working there. I have seen some bad reviews and I feel they are such a shame! It is clear to see the team at Dickens World is working very hard to improve things so people please ignore comments like above! These people are people that complain about every little thing in life!
I say go to Dickens World and make up your own mind about it :)
Mark, Portsmouth, Hampshire
This is a truly dreadful place - there is absolutely no educational value yet it is less entertaining for children than any other theme park.
The 'set' is pretty impressive yet every shop has got big video screens in it and the attempts to screw even more cash out of customers are outrageous - the very first thing that happens before you even get into the main area is a man stopping you to take a picture of your kids in 'period' costume!
My husband and I could not properly follow what on earth the live show was trying to say and we are both university educated with some knowledge of Dickens - how children are supposed to make any sense of it I have no idea. The boat ride was also pretty useless. The staff are friendly but faintly apologetic as they know that we've been suckered! When we went (first week of August) the place was empty - it seems that word has got round. Expect this to be closed down in 12m as the investors realise they are never going to get their money back
Nicola, Radlett,
On the day we went there was more money being given back to people than taken! we waited 2 hours in the pouring rain to get in and what a disapointment it was, the haunted house was just projected images of dickens characters, the 'exciting boat ride' was boring and we waited an hour for that! there was only one eating place and it was way outpriced for families, the only good bit was the 3d images in the theatre, we kept walking around wondering if we had missed half of it!! I did not see any animatronic rats or any other figures where were they hiding! we too heard the drilling if it was not finished then they should have reduced the price of entry for a few weeks, fortunately I and others were given a complete refund, I don't know if I will chance going back when its finished!!
hazel lockett, orpington, england
Comments relate to the park not being finished - and indeed, there are still some elements incomplete (24/6)... so, I recommend that you wait for a few weeks, before visiting.
HOWEVER - even though the traditional sweet shop, theatre and promised 'evils smells' were not complete yet, it was a MAGICAL experience!
The actors/staff were all enthusiastic and knowledgeable and I was amazed at how much they interacted with everyone... I had my purse nicked by a raggeddy looking you lad... to much amusement of standers by. (yup - he did return it afterward ofcourse!)
A lot of care has been taken to recreate a very authentic atmosphere... KIDS will LOVE it... where else do you see them, playing with wooden fishes and skittles... laughing and smiling and not a NINTENDO in sight!
Its NOT Disneyland, for cripes sake (£12 entry) - and its not a museum either!! Its about a little bit of education, a little bit of fun and most of all a lot of... I M A G I N A T I O N!!
Mardi Caulfield, London,
After really lookung forward to visiting this attraction i decided to make a visit DONT BOTHER!!
The supposedly victorian characters looked like kids dragged out of 6th form and put on long skirts from mark one and were supposedly "victorian".
The boat ride was slow there were no moving images or sounds. Then there was some kid hoovering the boats out at the end, how charles dickens. totally embaressing.
The 4-d movie was quite interesting as it did tell you something about dickens life i suppose. and as for the "classroom" it took my boyfriend all of FIVE minutes to play the games.
The place looked 1/2 finished and as for a victorian atmosphere i could here drills round the back where apparently they are making "the next restaurant".
susy, bromley, UK
i found the experience entertaining, so yeah it was laking in areas but the costumed staff fully aware of the matter tried their best to ensure a good trip...dont take it out on the staff there, they are the best thing about the place at the moment, let the little problems sort themselfs out and then return. I will be doing the same...the press has made it out to be a themed park style attraction which is wrong, its a place of discovery and people should realise that.
eddie cook, borstal, kent
Visited Dickens World today and i agree fully with all the other comments on here. The place was a disgrace nearly 40 quid to get in, the so called haunted house did not seem to be working properly and people were just standing around waiting to see if anything would happen, it didnt. The theatre was closed, the boat ride was to say the least very disapointing, the food and drink totally overpriced.
To anybody thinking of visiting this place PLEASE PLEASE DONT BOTHER ITS A COMPLEATE RIP OFF.
john ballard, london, uk
my parents visited this attraction, what they thought it would be and what they got were two different things. Basically after queing nothing worked, there was nothing much to see and got completely soaked on the boat ride, so wet they had to go home! Luckily they live close by, others might not be so. My Mum never complains but I have never seen her so dissappointed. Their answer, don't bother for at least 6 months it might be finished then!
J Neal, Rainham,
I wan't expecting Disney, but atmosphere was totally lacking. I refused a flimsy rainmack on the 'boat ride' the kind assisant then put me at the back of the boat where I was totally soaked, the best thing on the boat ride was the Rodney (you plonker) lookalike at the end! I thought the 3d images of a man about to hang himself and a man being shot in a duel was totally unsuitable for young children.
Save your £12.50 for a half price ticket at Thorpe park.
Paul, Gravesend, kent
Please don't join the queue for the boat trip if you or your child suffers from ashma - there was no air and we were stuck in the tunnels for 1.30 hours - it was really unpleasant and all of us started feeling unwell, finding it hard to breath, feeling dizzy and coughing. The haunted house was rubbish dont bother queing hours for this.
Maddie, Ashford, UK
I have to say i found this very disappointing, the brochure told us to "allow 4 hours for your experience" i don't think so!!!!. Got in the queue at 9.30, didn't open till 10.15 (15 mins late) by 12.15 all finished, and that included a break! did not see any rats on the boat ride in fact didn't see any thing on the boat ride that moved!. The theatre was shut, and the haunted house was nothing more than a few corridors, fagens den? was a young childs play area and as for the food i bought my 2 children a small fruit shoot and a packet of crisps each and this came to £5! I was really looking forward to this attraction but came away so very dissapointed and annoyed especially at being charged £40 to get in!
anthony garnham, ipswich, uk
Went to Dickens World today and it was a disappointment to say the least. A 2 hour queue just to get in. Another 45 minute wait for the boat ride which quite frankly was over before it began. The signs said to beware because you will get very wet. Not from the one 10 metre drop you won't.
The Victorian Classroom just consisted of rows of brown desks with a touch screen computer playing a game of snakes and ladders and questions about Dickens. The Haunted House wasn't!! A 3D or was it 4D film of Dickens Life which after a few minutes made you go cross eyed. Thankfully it was only 12 minutes long. Coming from Chatham I wish I could say this was good and encourage people to come but quite frankly I can't. If you like Dickens buy the books and if you want excitement go to Thorpe Park.
Brian, Chatham,
Pip, Pip Horray? Seeing Tiny Tim hawking "My parents went to Dicken's World and all they got me was this crutch" t-shirts while eating an 5 pound piece of Miss Haversham cake does sound appealing, but to be honest I'm saving my pennies for the opening day of Joyce World -- I hear the riverrunride is quite appealing.
Garbage Head, Calgary, Canada