David Wickers
Win tickets to the ultimate village fete with welly wanging and more

Fancy a cruise this year? Lots of us do – and, as the market expands, the choice of flight-free options is growing. So, no grim presailing schlep from Heathrow. Not even a hellish drive to Southampton.
Demand for “local” departure points has fuelled a big expansion in regional cruise terminals, so you can begin your ocean-going adventure from Newcastle or Oban, from London or Liverpool. Here are six of the best departure ports right across Britain, with the star sailing from each.
All prices are per person, based on two sharing, and include all meals
DOVER
Already the number-one port for Channel-hoppers and booze-cruisers, Dover has undergone a radical makeover in recent years – it’s now the second-largest cruise port in the UK. The cruise: a classical voyage to the Baltic, serenaded by the works of Beethoven, Bach and Mozart. You’ll be among 950 passengers aboard the Crystal Symphony – something of a hybrid ship, combining the five-star luxury of smaller vessels with a range of “resort” facilities usually found only on much larger ones.
The itinerary takes in Scandinavia’s greatest hits: Oslo, Copenhagen, St Petersburg (for two nights) and Helsinki, concluding with an overnight stay in Stockholm. But what sets it apart is the classical-music theme, with live performances by distinguished musicians and a programme of lectures.
The details: 11 nights, from June 7, start at £3,190, including the flight home from Stockholm and tips on board. Call Crystal Cruises on 020 7287 9040 or visit www.crystalcruises.co.uk.
Or try: Carnival Cruise Lines (020 7940 4466, www.carnivalcruise.co.uk); Costa Cruises (020 7940 5398, www.costacruises.co.uk).
HARWICH
You may think of it as the workaday ferry terminal for Holland and Germany, but Harwich is also a gateway to Rome, Venice and beyond. The cruise: a Mediterranean journey with a difference, aboard the MSC Opera, a four-star Italian ship with stylish interiors, a generous spread of lounges and a warm welcome for children among its 2,000 or so passengers.
The itinerary takes in a couple of eye-catching Med metropolises – Lisbon and Venice – but also some less well-known ports of call, including La Coruña, in Spain, and Kotor, in Montenegro. But what’s unusual about this cruise is its “wellbeing” theme. A crack team of Balinese masseuses will be on board to indulge you with unguents and aromatherapy.
The details: 11 days, from August 26, start at £598, including the return flight from Venice. Call MSC Cruises on 0870 850 4883 or visit www.msccruises.co.uk.
Or try: Voyages of Discovery (01444 462150, www.voyagesofdiscovery.co.uk); Royal Caribbean (0845 165 8414, www.royalcaribbean. co.uk).
LIVERPOOL
It’s hard to imagine why you’d want to leave Europe’s newly crowned Capital of Culture, but the great trading port of the northwest now ships cruise passengers all the way to the Arctic Circle. The cruise: leaving Liverpool aboard the Ocean Majesty, the Land of Fire and Ice cruise is an adventure among the geysers and glaciers of Iceland, packing in a couple of charismatic city breaks en route.
First stop is Glasgow, for shopping and the sights, before you strike out for the Faroe Islands, where you’ll explore the 10th-century capital, Torshavn. Next, you’ll sail to Iceland, visiting first Reykjavik, then the town of Akureyri, within 40 miles of the Arctic Circle. On the return leg, you’ll stop at Mull.
The Ocean Majesty’s name suggests more grandeur than it really delivers, though it does offer extremely affordable cruising for its 500-odd passengers. You may want to upgrade to a better-than-basic cabin for extra space and comfort.
The details: 12 days, from August 7, start at £1,019, including tips. Call Page & Moy on 0870 833 4012 or visit www.pageandmoy.com.
Or try: Fred Olsen Cruise Lines (01473 746175, www.fredolsencruises.com); Thomson (0871 230 2800, www.thomson.co.uk).
LONDON
There’s something rather splendid about sallying forth to sail around Europe from Tower Bridge. The cruise: which are the “Grand Harbours of Europe”? According to this itinerary from the upmarket cruise company Seabourn, they include Antwerp, St Malo, Amsterdam and Copenhagen. St Peter Port, in Guernsey, is a more debatable choice. The cruise also calls at the Scilly Isles, Cork and Rouen.
The Seabourn Pride is a luxurious little ship with the appealing atmosphere of an oversized yacht. With just 208 passengers, she’s able to penetrate ports that only small vessels can reach. All the guest quarters are suites, and many have a private balcony. Facilities include an on-board spa, a “watersports marina” at the stern and a cinema screening movies under the stars.
The details: 14 days, from May 12, start at £5,152, including tips on board, drinks from the minibar and one shore excursion – but not your return flight from Copenhagen. Call Seabourn on 0845 070 0500 or visit www.seabourn.com.
Or try: Silversea Cruises (0870 333 7030, www. silversea.com); Azamara Cruises (0800 018 2525, www.azamaracruises.com).
NEWCASTLE
The historic powerhouse of British shipbuilding, the Tyne waterfront has had a glamorous makeover for the 21st century, and now specialises in summer cruises to the land of the midnight sun. The cruise: the North Cape Explorer itinerary includes the smelly, the steamy and the surreal. You’ll start with a visit to Bergen, with its jauntily painted waterfront wooden houses and powerfully perfumed fish markets, then take a scenic train ride into the cold heart of Lapland. There is a dip into Norway’s sensational fjord country, and a chance to experience the midnight sun.
You’ll be aboard the Thomson Celebration, formerly Holland America’s Noordam but now part of Thomson’s five-strong cruise fleet. She’s a full-on floating resort, with 625 cabins, three restaurants, 24-hour room service, a cinema, a “show lounge” and a casino, as well as spa and health-club facilities. She also sports a wraparound promenade deck in polished teak – among the last of an endangered species.
The details: 13 nights, from June 15, start at £1,169, including tips. Call Thomson on 0871 230 2800 or visit www.thomson.co.uk.
Or try: Fred Olsen (01473 746175, www.fredolsencruises. com).
OBAN
Spectacularly sited Oban, the popular summer ferry terminal for the Western Isles, is home port for a cruising princess. The cruise: you’d never guess it to look at her, but the Hebridean Princess was originally built as a ferry. She is now the smallest of all luxury cruise ships, and the one chosen by the Queen for her 80th-birthday bash.
Think of the Princess as a floating country-house hotel. Her crew tend to their 49 guests in traditional comfort – right down to afternoon tea in front of an inglenook fireplace.
Footloose Over the Western Isles is a new itinerary with a choice of sailings and a programme of guided walks ashore – so pack your hiking boots as well as your tux. The trip takes in all the Hebridean highlights: Coll, Barra, the Uists, Harris, Skye and Muck.
The details: one week, from April 24 or August 28, starts at £3,040, which covers privately escorted tours and all drinks, including champagne. Call Hebridean International on 01756 704704 or visit www.hebridean.co.uk.