Sometimes golf can be depressing – very depressing. “I’d like to say I’ve seen
worse,” says Jeremy Dale, our instructor at Stapleford Park, a country house
hotel in Leicestershire, after we play a few chips to a green.
“But I can’t,” he says. “Look at how bad this is,” he says, clearly enjoying
himself. “Terrible. Your balls are 12 feet away. This is very bad. We need
to talk strategy, guys.”
Do not expect an easy ride at the new Scoring School at Stapleford – that’s
not the Jeremy Dale way.
But do expect to learn a lot about how to improve your game... quickly.
Jeremy’s lessons are based on a simple principle: “How to play bad golf
really well”. His argument goes that we can’t all be Tiger Woods
(which sounds rather self-evident), and we are extremely unlikely to drive
300 yards with a perfect Woods swing (even more self-evident). So why, Dale
asks, do so many golf lessons focus on perfecting your swing?
Early on, he uses an analogy to make his central point: “I can tell you a
million things about eating with a knife and fork. But if you thought about
them all, you’d starve. If you want to do it well, don’t think about it.
That’s what top athletes do.”
It’s much better to learn the canny tricks of golf, rather than
over-analys-ing things, he tells us – which is just fine by me and my
golfing pal, Michael. We’ve signed up for the day-long lesson at the pretty
and peaceful golf course connected to Stapleford, a splendid 17th-century
building where the Prince of Brunei recently held a party attended by the
likes of Michael Jackson, Jerry Hall and Don Johnson.
Jackson, says the East European waitress in the breakfast room, stayed in a
cottage in the grounds. He did not play golf. Johnson “smoked cigars” and
“liked to talk a lot”. Meanwhile, Michael Carrick, the England footballer,
was recently married at the hotel. His wife was “really, really beautiful
with blonde hair,” the waitress says, “just like a lot of the other wives.”
Lionel Richie, Will Smith and Jackie Collins have also stayed. You can learn
a lot from East European waitresses in the breakfast room.
There are no celebs on our visit. Just Dale, who – we soon learn – can play
golf both left and right-handed. And he quickly puts us straight on the art
of chipping and pitching. These “finesse” shots are crucial for keeping your
score down – “turning eights into double bogeys”, as he puts it. Apparently
a study of pro golfers once found that the longest drivers and best players
of long shots using iron clubs were nowhere near the top of the rankings. It
is the “short game” kings who make the big bucks.
There are, Jeremy says, an average of 12 “finesse” shots in every round –
which can make a big difference to your overall score. Along with putts,
these are essential to master.
“I want you to become chip-and-putt b******* from hell,” he says – simplifying
his approach.
We are taught to aim for the closest landing points on greens, rather than
taking “the aerial route”. This is actually quite simple and really
effective. We are advised to measure how far we hit the ball using sand and
pitch wedges with short, medium and long swings. By doing so you can be much
more accurate.
This, amazingly, also works. As does measuring our putts according to the
distance we swing backwards. Another immediate success.
My grip is wrong on my drive. Dale corrects this and says (a little fiercely):
“Don’t fight physics,” when I say it feels odd. He then gives us a run-down
on the mental side of the game. “Golf,” he says, “is a vicious little
cocktail of nastiness. You must learn to switch on and off. You can’t
concentrate completely over four hours.”
Michael and I are stunned by the results. We play a few holes later on and are
much better than before. We are playing bad golf – but we’re playing badly
well. Suddenly, golf isn’t so depressing any more.
Come out swinging
Scoring School (01572 787000, www.staplefordpark.com)
costs £147.50 and is held on Sundays (max group size six people). To stay
over is £99 on Sunday. A golf round is £25 on Monday.
Jeremy Dale (www.jeremydale.com) is a
“trick-shot specialist” and he showed us how to hit the ball 300 yards while
kneeling.
Dale told me that I “needed to invest” after he saw my clubs – I bought a set
of custom-fit Callaway golf irons (0800 096 4591, www.callawaygolf.com)
for £468.
Together, the lessons and clubs have cut eight shots off my average round. Not
bad for a weekend’s work.
