USP Dine or detox? Do both at this luxurious Italian spa with a Michelin-star chef.

AMBIENCE It may be home to 57 suites, but L'Albereta possesses a Tardis-like ability to ferret everyone else away so that library, garden and bar feel very much one’s own. All that one encounters is a contented thrum.

EXPERIENCE Specialises in "biontology", a practice that tries to fix all the physical problems that come with age. Treatment involves daily poking and prodding regimens: massage, hydrobaths, mud wraps and water-cannoning.

FOOD Spa food is perfectly nice, but unquestionably low-fat, low-calorie and low-thrill. The hotel, however, has foot-long grissinis, gold leaf-decorated risotto milanese and the most fragrant porcini casserole.

IN CROWD Assorted footballers, supermodels and Guccied matriarchs.

WALLET WATCH A standard double room at L'Albereta costs from €190 (£131). Through 31 May you can bag their Spring programme for €450 (£311) which includes body fat analysis, personalised diet routine and Turkish baths.

NEED TO KNOW L’Albereta Locanda in Franciacorta Relais & Chateaux, Erbusco, Lombardy (00 39 030 7760550; www.albereta.it)