Estonia’s capital has a compact centre with labyrinthine cobbled streets
leading up a hill to medieval fortifications and a splendid Russian orthodox
church. There is an interesting Occupation Museum, which describes the days
of Soviet control, and a wonderful Kumu art gallery displaying modern works
as well as older collections.
It is a very pleasant place for a weekend break – lots of cafes, bars and
restaurants. There are day trips to the countryside, along the coast, and
even across to Helsinki in Finland. But Tallinn is perhaps best known for
one thing: its stag and hen parties.
Cheap flights and cheap nightlife have proved a big hit with young crowds.
They don’t ruin the city, but a couple of streets are pretty taken over by
the raucous crew....
Enough of art, museums and Estonian Institutes… medieval lesbians are waiting.
I’m about to attend my “Medieval lesbian strip show”. I’ve joined another
stag group at a bar on a cobbled street in the city centre. They’re a bit
rougher round the edges than the last lot. They’ve clearly had a lot to
drink. And they’re (very) suspicious about my motives.
“No names!” says a scary fellow, who turns out to be the groom. As he says
this he points two fingers at me as though he might poke my eyes out. “What
goes on tour stays on tour!” he says. And he definitely means it. I
begin to wonder if this is all a dreadful mistake.
“We’re very cultured, very philosophical, like Jean Paul Sartre,” says a
dishevelled chap who adds that he had his first beer in the morning at Luton
airport. He burps a bit. I think his Sartre comment was “ironic”.
“Prague’s had its day. Tallinn is the new Jerusalem: cheap, cheap, cheap. Lots
of models. Good drink,” says a guy with a shaved head.
We enter a bar and go to a basement vault where the “Medieval lesbian strip
show” is held. “You owe me!” says the scary groom, pointing his fingers at
me again. "Is this going to end up as four pages in Monday’s Guardian?
I bet it is!” says the best man. “No names!” “OK!” I say.
I’ve got the message.
Beer is drunk. Sausages and soup appear. My new companions do not like the
soup. “The gruel is off… there’s no apparent taste… a dog would not eat
this… please sir, don’t give us any more… Oliver Twist would have walked
out,” they tell me in the style of haughty restaurant critics.
Our rep, a pretty blond woman working for www.tallinnpissup.com,
who looks terrified by the lads, goes into a side room. Two gorgeous,
scantily-clad women arrive. The groom is put on a chair in the middle of the
room. Justify My Love by Madonna comes on the stereo. The two gorgeous women
are soon no longer scantily clad. The groom refuses to take off his
trousers. The women wiggle about. My neighbour says: “The brunnette’s got a
boil on her butt.” So she does. The two gorgeous women soon depart. End of
“Medieval lesbian strip show”.
We walk to the Hollywood nightclub, via a couple of bars. There is a fight.
Nothing to do with our group, but quite close by.
We get to the Hollywood nightclub. It’s all very busy. I meet Anet and the
other stag group. Anet and I go to a VIP bit where it’s quieter and she
orders shots of green vodka.
We talk for quite a while and Anet says “you’re very reserved” – which no-one
has ever told me after I’ve had six pints of lager and several funny green
vodkas before.
We polish off more shots, looking down from a balcony at the dancing hordes
below. It is raucous, hectic and packed. There are plenty of lovely Estonian
women – absolutely loads of them. Everyone is clearly having a lot of fun.
There are men dressed as super heroes – Superman, Spiderman – cavorting with
beautiful blondes. There are “supermodel” girls in tiny mini-skirts dancing
alone like pop star divas. There is a vast scrum of people by the bar,
everyone trying to squeeze through to be served.
This is clearly the epicentre of the Tallinn stag experience – Hollywood is
the club for stag groups to visit. I wonder to myself: is this really so
bad? Everyone loves to criticise stag weekends, but is this really such a
terrible thing? Yes, people have had a few – I’ve had a few.
But are these people doing any real “harm”? They don’t seem to be. They just
seem to be having a blast – I’m having a blast. From what I’ve seen of the
Tallinn stag groups today, they’ve kept themselves to themselves, going to
bars and clubs that have clearly been designed precisely with them in mind.
Sure, it does mean that there is a street or two in Tallinn that has been
rather taken over by the Brits. But there are plenty of parts of London that
have been overrun by tourists – that’s just the way things go these days.
Tourism is a big money earner. It’s part of the way of life of almost any
city (even ones you haven’t heard of in Eastern Europe).
As I ponder this – obviously going through a reflective green vodka stage -
Anet orders yet more shots. We drink yet more shots. We have a great night.
There’s no doubt about it: Tallinn is a fantastic place for a stag do.
How Low Can You Go? Round Europe for 1p Each Way (Plus Tax) by Tom Chesshyre
(£10.99, Hodder & Stoughton, or buy it from BooksFirst
for £9.89 including delivery).
I must say Laly that to say Prague citizens have been driven out of their city is a bit silly. The stags and hens did, for a while, dominate a small area of the city centre, in as much as Amsterdam, London, Dublin and Berlin have rowdy districts that you really wouldn't want to visit on a weekend night. But 90 per cent of Prague is still happily a locals' scene, perfectly easy to find and fit in while the weekend staggers spend their money and have fun in a relatively small part of the city
Lizzie, London, UK
I agree with your opinion as long as they do not start driving the Estonians themselves out of the city. That is what happened to a great part with the Czechs in Prague. A city almost totally left to the foreigners. That would be a real pity for the Estonians. They could no longer enjoy their own city. They are too nice of a people to deserve that. The Old Town is indeed magnificent. It is a great city in all seasons. I visit the city, especially the Old Town as often as I can.
Laly, Montreal, Canada
It's refreshing and completely unexpected to read an article that doesn't take a haughty view of stag weekenders. Yes, they are a pain and, at time, embarrassing, but I agree that for the most part there are plenty of people in the cities that they go that are happy to welcome them and take their money.
KN, london,