Jeremy Clarkson
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From The Sunday Times
April 20, 2008
Callaway Corvette C6
A beauty cursed by travel sickness
Today, if you want something to be a commercial success, it must be designed from day one with a passport and legs. Whether a beefburger, a plastic Doctor Who toy, a strawberry, an internet people-searching site or a sport, it must be as relevant in Alice Springs as it is in the Colombian jungle.
Funnily enough, however, the biggest problem is America – the only country in the world that calls football “soccer” and insists on playing rounders and netball instead. So, if you have developed, say, a pillow that absorbs dribble, you stand a better chance of selling it to a pygmy with a dinner plate sewn into his bottom lip, than you do to Wilbur and Myrtle from Sacramento.
It’s a bit like the “special relationship” Tony Blair always talked about so much. The Americans can build a nuclear-missile warning station in Britain to protect them, but it makes us the ideal first-strike target. They can extradite people from Britain, but we can’t do the same from them. They can get our immediate help in the Gulf, but we had to beg for assistance against the Nazis and the Argies. With America, the world is a one-way street.
We must have their computers, their jeans and their eating habits, yet there are more Made-in-Britain labels on the moons of Jupiter than there are in South Dakota. To the average American, “abroad” is Canada or Mexico. Any further than that and you need Nasa. Over there, a Brit is simply someone to shoot by mistake. So it’s certain that Hank J Dieselburger isn’t going to be buying a jar of Bovril any time soon.
Nor will he be watching a British-made car show. Top Gear is screened all over the world, from remote Himalayan villages to the bullet-ridden boulevards of Lebanon. It is a genuine, bona fide export success. But in the US it is watched only by half a handful of expats who diligently follow BBC America, and a few torrentists on the interweb.
This is partly because, when it comes to motoring, the English language makes more sense in Albania than it does in Alabama. Almost every word in the Americans’ automotive lexicon is different from ours, so when we talk about motorways, pavements, bonnets, boots, roofs, bumper bars, petrol, coupés, saloons, people carriers, cubic centimetres and corners, they have no idea what we’re on about.
Our forward commanders can call in a tactical airstrike in southern Afghanistan and their pilots will know precisely what’s needed. But review a Fiat Punto “hatchback” on the “bypass” and you may as well be speaking in dog. Even their gallons are as odd as their spelling of “centre”.
Then there’s the pronunciation issue. Jagwarr, Teeyoda, Neesarn, Hundy, Mitsuboosi, BM Dubya, V Dubya – it’s all completely mangled.
However, while they don’t understand our car show, when it comes to the cars themselves, the one-way street works in the opposite direction. Just six months ago, and for the first time ever, foreign car makers sold more vehicles in America than those made by Brad, Todd and Bud.
And what of American cars over here? Well, if we exclude Cheshire from the equation, most people in Europe would rather have syphilis than a Buick. We’ll buy their Coca-Cola, their iPods and their Motown sound, but the cars that gave Motown its name? No, thanks. Driving an American car would be like making love to Jade Goody when you had a choice.
It’s odd. Why can Bill Gates sell his binary numbers to the world when General Motors can’t sell its cars? I wish I had the answer, because then I might understand why I don’t want to own the Callaway Corvette I used on a recent trip to Los Angeles.
Callaway is an engineering company that has been tuning and fiddling with Corvettes since the year dot, sometimes without much success. The first example I tried, way back in the 16th century, was owned by a murderer and had two turbochargers. This made the engine extremely powerful. So powerful in fact that when I tried to set off, it turned the clutch into a thin veneer of powder and shot it like talcum powder into the wind. The murderer was extremely displeased with me . . .
Since then, however, Callaway has continued to beaver away, helped along by the average American’s deep-seated belief that all cars can be improved by a man in a shed – understandable when the cars in question were made in Detroit. So today it makes the Corvettes that race at Le Mans (which they can’t say properly either). Furthermore, Callaway has sheds all across America, and even in Germany.
It has become a big business. And I’m delighted to say it has stopped upping the power without uprating any of the other components.
The car I drove, a one-off demonstration vehicle, was garnished with an Eaton supercharger – chromed, of course – that was about the same size as Antigua. It’s so big that a special bonnet with a huge hump in the middle has had to be fitted. In the past it would have got the car from 0-60mph . . . just once, before the chassis snapped in half and the wheels fell off.
Not any more. The car is fitted with Stoptech racing brakes, Eibach Multi-Pro suspension, wheels made from magnesium and carbon fibre, and other beefed-up components from the tip of its slender nose to the back end of its Plasticine arse (which they also can’t say). So it’s actually designed to handle the 616bhp produced by that force-fed V8, although the standard car, which is also available as a convertible, has 580bhp.
Yes, 616bhp is a lot. It’s the sort of power you get from a Ferrari 599. And yet the car you see in the pictures this morning costs just over $92,500. At today’s exchange rate, that’s about 35p.
At first I was too jet-lagged to drive, so I tossed the keys to a colleague who was part gibbering wreck and part Michael Schumacher. We’d kangaroo away from the lights, stall, lurch up to about 400mph and then zigzag through the traffic like Jack Bauer in pursuit of a Russian nuke.
As a result, on our way back from Orange County to Beverly Hills, I snatched the keys . . . and had exactly the same problem. The clutch is like a switch and the gearbox like something that operates a lock on the Manchester Ship Canal. And if, by some miracle, you do get them to work in harmony, you are catapulted into a hypersonic, Hollywood blockbuster world of searing noise, bleeding ears and speeds so fantastic that you mark the instrument panel down as a born again liar. I absolutely bloody loved it.
Most European and Japanese cars these days hide their thrills behind a curtain of electronic interference and acoustically tuned, synthetic exhaust noises. Driving, say, an M5, is like having sex in a condom. Driving this Corvette is like taking it off.
Oh sure, it has the same problems that beset all Vettes. A dash made from the same cellophane they use to wrap cigarette packets, a sense it’s been nailed together by apes, the finesse of a charging rhinoceros and the subtlety of a crashing helicopter. But the Callaway power injection masks all this in the same way that a dollop of hot sauce turns a slice of week-old goat cheek into a taste sensation.
On the El Toro airfield, deserted since it was attacked by aliens in Independence Day, it would slide and growl like it was the love child of Red Rum and a wild lion. On the snarled-up 405 on the way back to LA, it made rude gestures to other road users, urging them to take it on, knowing full well that it could beat just about everything up to a Veyron (pronounced “goddam cheese-eating Kraut junk”).
Then, when the traffic got too bad, we cut through downtown LA, where it pulled off the most fabulous trick of them all – absorbing the bumps and potholes that would disgrace even the Zimbabwean highways authority. Simply as a result of this, I have to say it’s an even better car than Chevrolet’s own hot Corvette, the Z06, which rides the bumps like a skateboard.
Let us look, then, at the Callaway’s strengths. It is ridiculously cheap, immensely powerful, much more comfortable than you would expect, beautiful to behold and blessed with handling that belies the fact that it was designed in a country that has no word for “bend”. It also redefines the whole concept of excitement.
If I lived over there, be in no doubt that I would have one like a shot. It suits the place very well. It is Bruce Willis in a vest. Over here, however, I’d rather go to work in a scuba suit. As a car, it would work fine, apart from the steering wheel being on the wrong side. It would be fun. It would be fast. And unlike most American cars, it isn’t even that big.
As a statement, however, I fear it would sit in the Cotswolds about as comfortably as Sylvester Stallone would belong in an EM Forster novel. It isn’t brash – at least not compared with a Lamborghini. But like all American cars, it does feel that way. And a bit stupid, too.
Funny, isn’t it. American cars, more than all others, are built to travel and yet that’s the one thing they really don’t do at all well.
Vital statistics
Model A standard Callaway Corvette C6
Engine 6200cc, eight cylinders
Power 580bhp @ 6300rpm
Torque 510 lb ft @ 4750rpm
Transmission Six-speed manual
Fuel Approx 20mpg (combined cycle)
CO2 338g/km (Callaway calculation)
Acceleration 0-60mph: 3.5sec
Top speed 206mph
Price $73,500 (£37,117)
Road tax band G (£400 a year)
On sale Now, but only as an import
Verdict A doodle dandy, but not over here
I live about 5 minutes from the El Toro Airfield damn he was near me. And crap the FBI must be about ready to raid my house, since Ive been downloading Topgear torrents since Orange County doesn't get BBC America.
BTW I agree with David, We do love England.
Daniel, Tustin CA, USA
Doesn't he own a GT40???
Aaron Groot, Dubai, UAE
I thought Clarkson and Co. did a good job describing the Z06 in his televised review, and I'm saddened by his feeling on taking one to Britain...yes, it's brash...but I think a little brash can go a long way there. Witness the Ascari A10 review...there's nothing subtle about that car either.
Jim, Bear, Delaware, US
Its a shame, Jeremy, you've pigeonholed 99% of all Americans into that mob you and the gang encounted on your road trip to that ruined city on the coast of that nasty ocean. I agree most US car/Trucks are built to last about as long as the 60K warranty but u r wrong about Americans. We love England.
David, Douglas, The United States of the oblvious
If JC stopped knocking all American cars he would have time to see the stats on perfomance and handling of a ZO6 at Nurbering beat Ferraris and Porches, even on the bends. If you want real mens stuff look at the Calloway C16 700bhp. faster than a Veryon and still cheaper than Italian Sewing machines
Ray, Sevenoaks, UK
and you an buy one in UK for less that £60k, after Gordon has his duty ad taxes. Stil fantastic value
Ray, Sevenoaks, UK
and you an buy one in UK for less that £60k, after Gordon has his duty and taxes. Stil fantastic value
Ray, Sevenoaks, UK
The torrentists have begun spreading the word.
TG will take over America. Just wait.
And lay off the Buick comments...
TG GAL, Chicago, IL, USA
I wish the current top gear season would be played on BBC america or I wish BBC would stop taking top gear episodes off of youtube. Torrents are getting harder to find.
I love the show along with fifth gear, and can't wait for the american top gear mentioned on the finalgear website.
mike, Buffalo, NY, USA
While all the 'Mericans are professing their love for TG, I might as well jump in and claim that I have also been watching (and thoroughly enjoying) TG in the States. That said, Jezza you better have a beer with me next time you decide to roll thorough El Toro (15 mins from here) or else!
David, Irvine , USA
Love your show and im glad to finally have it on regularly. With that said, i hope you dont view all American the same. We have our pockets in this country of those that you launch tirades against. Albeit Alabamians being the most famous, and your description was right on. Not all Buicks are slow.
Scott Irvin, Orlando, USA
As an American, a large fan of the show, and fellow car enthusiast working in the automotive industry, I definitely understand the Anti-US sentiments. And actually agree with most of them. I wish that I could have some of the great European cars sold over here. Keep up the good work, Clarkson!
Tygur, New Martinsville, USA
The team behind South Park are not Canadian. They're definitely American.
Angus, Edinburgh, Scotland.
Tristan, Matt Stone and Trey Parker were most definitely born and raised in Colorado, aka NOT Canada. And I don't know anyone who's every said "teeyoda".
Zach, Tampa, FL, USA
Ryan: It's a small block of ice cream coated in a layer of chocolate. It's a noun, so it would usually be "a choc ice" or "some choc ices", rather than just "choc ice".
David, Stoke, England
Not all Americans are as ignorant as Jeeza proclaims. But its still somewhat true (and funny). Looking forward to Top Gear on BBC America tonight!
"There's only one thing in the world that's worse than being witty. And that's not being witty." - Monty Python
Mike, St. Peters, MO, USA
Ryan - Team America was made by the team behind South Park, who surprisingly enough are Canadian. Americans making fun of Americans are only funny in the US of A.
Tristan, Canberra, Australia
Jezza's favorite (or is it favourite?) film must be Team America, he must love Americans making fun of America (and the secret signal). I for one, am a torrentist. I'm not sure if Jezza, Hamster, or Captain Slow would approve but it's the only way I can get uncut episodes. What the hell is choc ice?
Ryan, Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin, USA
Me and my wife LOVE Top Gear!! Captan Slow, Hamster, AND Clarkson are the best!! I don't car about Top gear USA
Kevin , Anderson, USA-South Carolina
Count me in as another AH-Merikan who doesn't get upset by JC's anti-U.S. humor. I don't really care, and I too think that the U.S. Gear show may be it's own worst enemy. I just wish JC and the boys would make their way north! Either way, torrents are great so I can get my TG fix!!!
Corey, Kalamazoo, Michigan, United States
I know a handful of fans - and I only know two handfuls of people! Everyone I have introduced TG to has loved it. I can't be bothered with the U.S. versions now that I have seen *all* the original shows. ;) Top Gear is the only show that I wait impatiently for. It's the HOSTS that make it fun
Don, Salem, Oregon, U.S.
There are more than a HANDFUL of torrentists, as I'm sure you're aware... but moreover, not all of us Yanks walk around thinking US-made cars are any good at all. In fact, it always shocked me to the Top Gear presenters agree that the Ford Focus is halfway decent. I'd rather have an old Triumph.
Ryan, USA, USA
@ david, stoke, england:
"The idea that USA English is more English than English English is somewhat silly."
the idea that either is 'more english' is somewhat silly
nick, san francisco,
Top Gear would be an export success in the USA on any channel other than BBC America. In my city you need to subscribe to a high-level package just to get BBC America, and other than Top Gear and Gordon Ramsey, it's a lot of Dr. Who reruns. Put in on Speed and people would stay up to watch it.
Jonathan, Detroit, USA
There's a very good reason for using the French spelling for some English words - those words come from French. 'centre', for example, entered English from French.
The idea that USA English is more English than English English is somewhat silly.
David, Stoke, England
The problem with Top Gear in America isn't the problem of translation (even Jethro from outsida town could pick up on the concept of 'bonnet'), it's because, as you said at the end of the article, we have no concept of the word 'bend'. I'm sure the crew of remembers the travel through South Florida.
Brian, Pembroke Pines, Fl
Is Corvette a good car? fast, oud exhaust note, weighs rsaonably, priced lower than other super cars.
It is brutal, isn't the most controllable car in the world, hates bumps and has a very peaky power band.
The fact of the matter is Americans like this kind of cars brutal, no finesse like mustangs
Mello, kalipornia,
Bloody right. BBQ sauce can't hold a torch to Bovril, just as a Corvette can't hold a torch to an Aston Martin.
But make no mistake, Americans do some things very well: Action flicks, Rocky Road ice cream, cheap porn, and muscle cars.
Emlyn, Providence, RI, USA
Clarkson is spot on about so many things American: the pronunciations,the attitude, the apparent aversion to racing cars turning right...but many of us Yanks do love Top Gear (and its Channel Five rival, when we can get it) and truly loathe the Detroit rubbish we're asked and expected to drive.
Chris, Portland, Oregon, USA
I watch Top Gear every Monday and the returns too. You guys do have a lot of reruns! And you spelt “center” incorrectly.
Phil , Washington, DC
I very much enjoyed Clarkson's review of the US, and I am looking forward to some future day in which he drives a Corvette and tells us about that.
Slightly more seriously, I think he liked it, but he spent so much time discussing the way we talk that I can't be sure.
Chuck, Denver, CO
You think the US = Nascar and NHRA for the same reason that Americans have known and followed Top Gear on the interweb since the original series. Just like JC, it's big enough, loud enough and crass enough to show up on the radar outside its original locale.
P.S. Of course all cars can be improved in a shed, even British cars, and most of them were built in a shed in the first place!
Brian, Boston, USA
We in Canada call football soccer too, so I guess you don't know what you're talking about.
Tim, Toronto,
Like others have said, not all Americans pronounce things like Texans do. Some of us actually would take that as an insult, because Texans do things like call all soda-pop "Coke". Also, it might be handy to know that here BM stands for "Bowel Movement".
Car shows are not really all that popular here, and that is unfortunate. Most people I know could care less, and would rather watch stupid dramatic fiction. We do have some good car shows here, but they're a bit dull, even if you're a devoted car nut. Your show is hilariously funny and entertaining, I watch it religiously, and I am looking forward to the new series!
I think Lewis Black said it best, when he said that the United States is like having a guy at work who is always screaming about how great he is. We always think we're the best and don't bother to find out if it's for real or why. I can really understand some anti-American sentiments, because eventually, people get sick of a person yelling about how great they are.
Evan, Georgia, USA
British snobbery knows NO bounds! LOL!
SHANE, Raleigh, N.C./ USA
Australians who don't play/watch football also call it soccer but we're trying to teach them anatomy. Aussie Rules or Footy is known to the diehards as football and they claim it is older. How can you describe that car as beautiful? It looks 90's Japanese. We've moved on eg IS250, AMs Alfas
David , Adelaide, Australia
I hate to tell you Jeremy but at least 75% of the people I know in America who have passion for anything motorized (sea, air, land and two OR four wheels) love Top Gear and watch it any way they can. In Seattle at least there is quite a strong following... We're not all warmongering idiots here!
Christopher Cutler, Seattle, WA, USA
Unfortunately Jeremy the Japanese have picked up the (horrible) American... and call it soccer too. I am doing my best to educate them.
Mark Palmer, Niigata, Japan
The factory Corvette is dependable and if you're touring is dealer servicable in 90% of towns in NA with a pop of 10,000 or more. Most are used for everyday cars. Commuting, snow, gravel..try that with a sissy wogmobile. That combined with price/performance make it a winner in ways that an autogossip columnist couldn't fathom and wouldn't try.
warren, Calgary, Alberta
HEY JEREMY!!!Here in Mexico we also watch Top Gear, well at least I watch it, and must of the times it must be by You Tube or by torrent, sorry about that but here is no BBC America or any of that stuff....I consider the Corvette a very nice car at least is better than the one of the 90's that really really was ughly but I have the same idea of the guy up there...there hasn't be a good corvette since the 60's, is like the Mustang the best Mustang was in the 60's!!!
Luis Jose Garnica, Monterrey, Mexico
Jeremy,
Most of what you say about America is true. We have the best and worst of everything. There are 300 million people in this country. You can find a plethora of what ever kind of people you want to use as a generalization.
The show where you guys came to America and had to purchase $1000 automobiles was very entertaining. To accomplish this exercise you never really entered the mainstream. It reminded me a little of how the Soviets tried to show their people propaganda during the depression of the 1930's and showed people in bread lines. What the propagandists could not photoshop out at the time was all the cars, and buildings, and architecture in the background. The observer can see this and decide for him or her self. Can you go to places, talk to people, generalize situations that show our weaknesses ? Yes. But in the background are good things that make up the bigger picture. So it is with America.
John, Rochester, Minnesota, USA
Top Clarkson invective style.
Jonathan Wilton, Singapore,
Sounds like sour grapes to me. However, having written that, I would not like to go rowing through 6 gears all the time at all. Either in Britain or the Continent. Can someone say 6 speed automatic transmission? - Retired 18 wheel driver.
George, Colorado Springs, USA/Colorado
"Pavement" - is perfectly logical. It is what has occurred. The has been a "pavement" of the ground next to the road.
Hope this helps!
H, Salford, Greater Manchester
Wonderful stuff Jezza. I do hope you are reading the comments too.
Funny how nigh on all the comments so far just missed the point. I learnt along time ago never to use irony, sarcasm or innuendo with my American friends. It rarely works!
To the Englishman that doesn't like the correct spelling of centre, shame on you sir! Go and read about the derivation of the English language from Greek, Latin and the Nordic languages and come back when you have!
James, Southampton, Hampshire, UK
I like when Jeremy goes for the ad hominem (in this case: anti-US) attack. It reveals that he has no argument of substance to make.
Meanwhile, the lads on that other UK program, Fifth Gear, have chosen the Z06 Corvette as their car of the year, and EU sales of the Corvette continue to rise, year on year.
Joe, New York, US
Tsk, tsk, Jeremy. I've settled somewhere in the middle of Virginia, see, in what is generally known as redneck country - you know the sort of thing, pickup trucks, gun racks, you can still have your six shooter on your hip when you go to the supermarket... But when I moved here from the civilization of Washington, D.C., a few years ago, I was amazed to find - Double Devon Cream, on the shelves, imported, at my local supermarket. Not to mention Stilton, OXO, Bovril, Marmite, and piccalilly - although the latter has, inexplicably, only found its way into the Irish aisle.
And we do like our muscle cars, we do. People with those fancy European automobiles are generally regarded as showoffs, drivers who need the maximum technological assistance from their overpowered vehicles because they can't drive. You know, some German vehicle that throttles back its 500 bhp engine to lawnmower setting when it senses a turn.
And I forget Patak's Rogan Josh cardamom cooking sauce... Haydock, Lancs
Menno Aartsen, Fredericksburg, VA
This article - apart from being hilarious - should be compulsory reading for Americans embarking on any venture beyond Rhode Island or Alcatraz. They just don't understand why the rest of the world finds them simultaneously amusing and baffling. I can't criticise the Corvette; after all, I live in Australia where huge six-cylinder sedans with American 1950s engineering serve as both taxi cabs and sports cars (allegedly) and where the people have taken to flying the flag on their boardshorts in a tacky imitation of American 'Fourth-a-Joo-Lie' celebrations. Great article, Jeremy!
Duke, Toowoomba, Australia
Surprise surprise.. Jezza comes to America and ends up driving a Corvette and loves it. You could have saved your typing finger and just wrote "Went to USA< Drove 'vette again, still like it, see previous reviews". Hey Clarkson, for a man that is supposed to hate America you certainly come here a lot! Maybe thats where you got that little extra pooch around your waist!
As far as Top Gear in the US goes, we are deeply saddened that it is being watered down and put on a network channel under the name Gear. The faithful that do watch BBC America regularly will nary give the new "Gear" a look. I had to crack up at Leno's' article and how he didn't want to ruin the show, so he bowed out gracefully. With Adam Corolla leading the show I'm sure we're looking at 6 episodes and complete fail. Sad that we can't appreciate Top Gear for what it is. Same reasons we can't understand F1 and Rugby I guess...Maybe someday....
Daren, MN, USA
Moving away from Jeremy's anti-American slant(which is funny and harmless, I hope people don't take it personally) I'd like to talk about the Vette for a moment. It's a car that weighs roughly 3300lbs(that's 1500kg) has a 6.2 liter V8 that produces 436hp and enough torque to make that M5 engine blush. Oh, did I mention that it costs LESS than a base Cayman here?
So if by some minute chance, Top Gear is reading this... Do us whacky Americans a favor, next time you have some expensive Porsche going up against a Ferrari or an Aston Martin, throw a Corvette in the mix. And make it a ZR1(you know the one with 620hp, was at some small auto show in Detroit...) while you're at it, after all it's going to cost less than a 911 turbo.
In the mean time, I think I'll go hunting for one of those R8s you guys love so much. I wonder how the driver reacts when I blow by in a stupid, simple Corvette that costs a third he payed. I'm sure he'll yell something about refinement or his pretty interior :)
Tim Djavadov, Glendale, California, U.S.
In Ireland we refer to it as soccer as well!!
Now referrring to "soccer-ball" , "1 point down at half-time", and "onion bags".... that's American!
Eddie, Limerick, Ireland
TG hasn't been popular in America is because it involves (all jokes aside) rational discourse about the pros/cons of all cars. An automaker gives Jeremy the keys expecting an honest opinion on the car, which is possible largely due to the "unique way in which the BBC is funded." Jezza is allowed to totally bash cars that he believes are total rubbish because of the fact that he is not required to pander to sponsors/advertisers, allowing him to fulfill his role as an independent journalist, the likes of which we have not seen for ages. He is not limited by censorship by privately owned corporate bosses and the subsequent self-censorship that follows (so as not to be fired).
Honestly, you will find that TG and similar shows will not continue to be ignored over here...they are becoming increasingly popular!! Dissenting opinions, like JC's will become increasingly heard, favoured, and will most importantly, stand out from the crap that is spoon-fed to Americans by private network TV
Tushar, Toronto, Canada
As always I love your insights...
Isn’t it funny how american cars only “work†when in the USA? why does a corvette look so stupid anywhere else? I don’t know... but it just does.
I hope that the big american car companies realize what is it that the world wants, because if they don’t I just can’t see a future for them.
PS: How about bringing TG to Mexico? I swear you'll have fun
Dieter Cabral, Mexico, Mexico
We love Top Gear here!! I don't know why it took the BBC so long to start showing it - it certainly wasn't for lack of e-mails.
Unfortunately Clarkson is mostly right about American cars. Funny how the only GM product worth buying is made in Australia...............
RN, Portland, Oregon
Stop unifying our fun. This aint no Dancing Star, Millionaire or Idol. Top Gear is British! American copy can at the best end up as a Fifth Gear. Howgh!
BTW: when it comes to the language, come on people, it is E N G L I S H because it came from lands of England. And so even though US English is much easier to understand to, the original and only correct would be the British.
Honza, Praha, Czech Rep
Oh Jeremy. You have to remember when talking about America is that most Americans who watch Top Gear (either through BBC's Iplayer or Youtube or BBC America) like the show. It's not that hard to establish that 'petrol' means gasoline and 'boot' means trunk. Sometimes your views on Americans are a bit harsh, but your humor makes up for it. I agree completly that American cars are garbage (or rubbish). Personally, I would much rather take a VW Rabbit (Golf) hatchback over a Chevy Surburban. And as you proved in your article, most Americans are starting to agree with me. With the introduction of the Smart, the BMW 1-series, the Saturn (Vauxhall) Astra, and the re-introduction of Alfa Romeo and Fiat to the American market, AND European car makers who are starting to bring their Euro-spec diesels to our shores proves to me that the 'Bigger is better,Only straight line preformance matters' mentality that you think all Americans have needs to be changed. The US is slowly but surely Euro-izing
Tom Mangano, Northern New Jersey, United States
I live in america, and i agree with...most of what jeremy says. It's a shame that america car makers don't really want to make good cars, just cars that look like they could be good cars to people who don't know any better. I think the reason is that the people here just settle for what's cheapest and looks the part or the companies just can't figure it out and have too much pride to ask one of their foreign counterparts.
In any case, I'm one of the torrentists that Jezza mentioned (I've seen every episode at least twice), and just wanted to say that he's absolutely right...about everything.
Matthew Perla, Pittsburgh, USA, PA
cvt, ft lauderdale, fla:
"So today it makes the Corvettes that race at Le Mans"
sorry, that would be Pratt & Miller, not Callaway.
Callaway actually raced at Le Mans if you brush up on your Vette history. Ron fellows once drove a Callaway C7R and ran it out of fuel if I recall.
The GT3 races have been their best recent outing, winning the 2007 team title there.
Alex, Europe,
I am one of those few americans thats not british that loves Jeremy & Top Gear. Keep up the Good Work.
Heather Hershberger, Canton, Ohio/USA
"...bumps and potholes that would disgrace even the Zimbabwean highways authority."
Yes, that's it, exactly! I have been looking for the words to describe the roads in LA and now I have it.
I'm glad I've learned to read between JC's lines. Yes we are a bit daft and our idea of fine dining would make a Scot violently ill but we can be can be quite fun and we will eventually do the right thing (once all other options are exhausted... otherwise you'd be writing for Spiegel Online I think).
Thanks for the honesty JC and perhaps it's better we don't import "Top Gear." Look what we did to "The Office."
Brian W, Los Angeles, USA / CA
Well, I must say that Jeremy has us Americans nailed down pretty well. I'm an American (a Texan no less) and when I look at our car industry, its a bizarre mix of amazing and couldn't-be-bothered-to-do-it-right. When it comes down to it, the car industry is busy being eaten alive by pencil pushers rather than letting the engineers have their way.
When you look at a car like the Callaway, the Z06, the ZR-1, the new Cadillac CTS coupe, the Saleen S7, and the Mosler MT-900, cars that are built by Americans without as much thought to budget, you get world-beaters that cost less than the international competition. However, when we try to build affordable cars, we get Daewoos instead of Fiats.
I don't know why, but Americans don't like designing fun cars.
Samuel Kutscha, Austin, Texas, United States of America
True enough that real US cars work best in lands with cheap gas, wide and straight freeways and long trips. Our cars do have a well-earned reputation for poor-quality build and cheap parts, as compared to European & Japanese offerings. But when it comes to long-term reliability, they are second only to the Toyotas and Hondas...Benzes, Land Rovers, VW's, etc. are at the bottom of today's durability studies, which doesn't bode well for the Europeans.
Nick, Virginia Beach, VA
Kieran, St Andrews
Sorry mate, the only connection I can see between Yank tanks and passion relates to the (admittedly ample) back seat.
RB, Lauzun, France
As an Ex-pat in Canada for the last 20+ years, I constantly wait to torrent the next episode as they are available, rather than wait for BBC Canada to air a water-downed version, let alone missing all the great specials.
That said I wait with a certain level of anticipation for NBC's "Gear" to see if the final result can be anything close to the enjoyment of watching TG.
With Jeremy testing out at El Toro where Adam has already said Gear is filming, I hope that this means Jeremy dispite not wanting to be an on-air part of the show that he is still taking a direct involvement in the show.
R. James, Vancouver, British Columbia
Three words:
Jeremy is right!
Behrad Behbahani, N. Potomac, Maryland
Bah! Jeremy, not that you would.. but don't change a thing. I'm an American and love the "anti-american" jokes as well as "anti-german" or any other "anti" country jokes for that matter. People need to lighten up and learn to take a good ribbing once in a while.
Looking forward to the next season.. via torrents is.
Jon B., Lunenburg, MA / USA
Utter rubbish, Jeremy. Some of us have to drive to work for a living rather than drive for a living. I also own a small-ish American car. (Yes, I'm from East Anglia and we are all hillbillies there.)
This car stops, starts, does 38 mpg, has big comfortable seats for 4 adults, hasn't gone wrong yet, has a powerful sound system, ferocious airconditioning and somewhere to keep your drinks cold. It was also cheap, and because it isn't a rep-mobile or a German saloon I get let in from side roads. It's perfect for the M25 and M4 and M11, real roads. Who can try out their fancy engines and roadholding there?
US manufacturers also sell their cars in the USA at prices that would probably give them most of the British car market overnight, and their reluctance to attack the UK market is one of the big mysteries of marketing.
Dave, Slough,
Make fun about ze Germans please .. i love it! :D
Chris, Berlin, Germany
I'm a 'torrentist' (Jezza, are you comparing us to terrorists?) who can't get enough of Top Gear. I have every episode, every special, absolutely everything I can get my hands on. I watch it religiously and I am excited to hear it is coming in HD in the future. I've gone so far as to ensure I can stream it to my 42" Plasma TV and watch in my HT.
I think Jezza underestimates how many people actually watch the show here. Even my blond female roommate loves watching TG, and thinks Hamster, James, and Jeremy are a riot. My only wish is that BBC America would air them more often and air the more recent (uncut) episodes.
It will also be interesting to see what happens when we get LS diesel in 2009; I suspect we'll see an influx of European-style cars and a change in American automobile buying patterns.
I'm just hoping the TG boys don't loose their knack for making us intelligent Americans laugh. Keep up the good work, and allowing us terrorientists to get our TG fix.
Nate, Florida, USA
And on the other hand, the imports we do buy aren't what the rest of the world is buying. US-model Toyota Camry? Try selling that overseas. Global cars don't do well here, and as a result there is so much made directly for the US market (and Toyota, Honda, etc. making cars here in the states).
And as for Top Gear, I love it. I'm actually surprised that it hasn't caught on here and I think any attempt to alter it for our audiences would ruin it. BBC America, are you listening?
David, Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
All in all Jeremy, you present a decent interpretation of American cars. Sure they don’t exactly…work… or are made with anything that would be remotely confused with quality materials… but as a Brit, who are you to talk? Your “British†cars today are a hodgepodge of parts from all across the world. And in the past, how can we forget British Leylands? As Jay Leno commented in a recent interview, the British are good at making one car at a time but ask them to make two and things fall apart (most notably your cars). Aside from our respective car-manufacturing issues, I would have to take issue with your overgeneralization of American people. Sure we have an entire half, or more, of our country whole-heartedly devoted to turning left and nothing else, but as a college student and long-time fan of Top Gear, I would be remiss if I did not say that there is some hope for us...
Anton, Chicago, Illinois/US
That being said, I sincerely hope that you imparted as much of your experience on the future Gear presenters at El Toro as you could (or told them to scrap it before they ruin it). Either way, I look forward to future commentary and your oh-so-subtle US-bashing. Hope next season is/went well.
Anton, Chicago, Illinois/US
So, Jeremy, what were you doing at El Toro anyway? Perhaps working with the folks from Gear? It will never be as good as the original! All my friends watch TG, and we convert a few more every season. Please tell them to stop butchering the BBC America version to fit in commercials, and then it might be worth watching on that network. Until then, BitTorrent it is.
Ted, Durham, North Carolina
It seriously needs bingo wings and "go faster stripes" similar to the ones on Jeremy's holiday beach trunks.
Gregorious, Beirut, Lesbian
Proud to be an torrentist as well!!! As long as I don't have to watch the chewed up version they put on BBC America. Shame the so-called "Gear" is going to be ruined by "Tanner Faust" and the commercialization of network TV. Keep up the great work Clarkson.
Alex Page, Anaheim, CA, USA
Maybe Jeremy would like to pop in to see us at Corvette during Le Mans this year, where incidentally, we have a small point of honour (honor?) to contest with our former Ford pals over at Aston Martin. Still, the series currently stands at 2 - 1 to Pratt & Miller.
iMac, Derby (England, as they like to point out in Hollywood)
Iain Macbeth, Weston on Trent, Derbyshire
Just as Jeremy manages to convince us all that Americans may have a sense of humo(u)r after all, along comes a clutch of comments that proves the very opposite!
No wonder they're going to have to create their own decaf, 'Murrican Top Gear, instead of the real thing.
Dave, Christchurch, New Zealand
Hey Gary, which British car would that be, by the way? The Ariel Atom? Yeah, they make those here too, so I'm not sure that really counts. Average British car, Average British car... I'm struggling here, Gary. Help me out? I bet you could still find a nice, low mileage Rover 75 lurking in some dark Manchester alley, but otherwise I imagine you'd be pretty hard pressed to come up with any British car theseadays, seeing as... *ominous bass line* how there is no British car industry.
Maybe a Nissan Micra? I'll put my Charger SRT up against that any ol' day, Stig or no.
And Jeremy, by the way, I know quite a few true auto enthusiasts around who absolutely cherish Top Gear, regardless of the apparent opinions of America(ns). Passion is passion no matter the geography.
Craig, Little Rock, Arkansas
WE Canadians use litre and centre, but we also have 15% or our population that are French.
P.S. I LOVE being a torrentist! ;)
Joe Mauro, Grand Falls, NB Canada
@ Steve Turpin ...way to go mate. You made an excellent point!
Incidentally, why should "bonnet" be any better than "hood"? As far as I'm aware both are worn on your head anyway!
My 2 cents though...
I had an American customer who criticised me for adding a 'u' to the word color. I told him that "colour" was the British spelling and he replied "yes but it's wrong. The word is 'color' and don't talk to me about British English because the Americans invented the English language in 1590." I wonder what language we spoke up until then?
Adrian Elman, Aurillac, France
the yanks hark on and on about there so called car industry, they build underpowered laviathons, poor spec" sport cars", and winge at the price of "gas"; crikey, they dont know the meaning of high PETROL costs, do they not realise it is now close to$11 a gallon here!, why not challenge Stig to drive an american average car; i reckon i could beat him on a circuit with an average British car!
gary farrell, tewkesbury, England
Most American highways are straight. So the drivers are used to that type of driving and the cars are built to match the roads. On my daily commute, the average motorists drive 80mph, but if the bend is greater than 10% per 1000 feet, people slow down to about 35mph. It's just how we drive so car companies make cars to do just that - Go straight and not much else.
Cornering abilities have come a long way and for American roads, it's overbuilt for the roads it will be traveling in.
There is a reason why the Asians were late adopters of the "fork". No freaking need for them.
Here are couple of other things that American cars don't need.
Suspension - No turns, no bumps. If you live in urban city centers you are driving an American car anyway.
Brakes - Highway exist are 30miles apart. When you see a sign that says "next exit 2 miles" just take your foot off the brake and you'll be fine
Comfortable seats - Have you seen American roads? It's a device to keep us awake.
Build to suit.
Dennis, Boston, MA
I find it amusing that JC thinks that spelling words the French way (centre, litre, etc.) is English. I think we Americans are more English in that respect than he is. Of course we do use a lot fewer u's (color, neighbor, etc.).
I love TG, but watch the current season from a torrent site, rather than old seasons on BBC America.
Martyn, Bellingham, USA/Washington
JC is criticizing the Vette, the quintessential American sports car, for not being "British" enough? Isn't that like complaining that Burberry's plaid ignores America's desire for stripes?
Tim, Cleveland, OH
i agree Jeremy...come cars have a sense of place.
Thats why i find it hard to believe that the Vauxhall VXR8 is being sold in the UK. Its rawness suits the wide Australian roads perfectly - but i cant imagine myself driving one around the british countryside...
Harry Palms, Sydney, Australia
Well, Jeeza, can you really say your Ford GT was crap? Sure, it broke down all the time, but seriously ... all American cars are bad?
Heck, I'm French and even I would not go that far. By the way, if the Z06 rides so badly, it's because it was meant to compete with the Porsche GT3, not the Ferrari 599. For that, you will have to wait until the Corvette ZR1 arrives.
David , Lyon, France
Stop unifying our fun. This aint no Dancing Star, Millionaire or Idol. Top Gear is British! American copy can at the best end up as a Fifth Gear. Howgh!
BTW: when it comes to the language, come on people, it is E N G L I S H because it came from lands of England. And so even though US English is much easier to understand to, the original and only correct would be the British.
Honza, Praha, Czech Rep
Hello from a "torrentist" in Alabama. Jeremy I assure you we have no language difficulties with Top Gear here. I have to admit even with us being the butt of all the jokes about the states Top Gear is the absolute best show on TV um.. I mean the Computer. I suggest you get the guys and head for the Barber Track in B'ham, maybe then you will change your jokes to say "Mississippi" instead of "Alabama".
Al, Auburn, USA / Alabama
I'm a non ex-pat, female who lives in one of the most backward parts of Pennsylvania and I watch Top Gear with a fervor that borders on obsession. Perhaps there is hope for us "Yanks" yet?
Zabrina Ashton, Danville, US Pennsylvania
tICKY-tACKY cORVETTES
Plastic which is not.
Clutches from hell.
Corvettes are still a great drive, and after 600 miles or 1000Km in mine, I still want to keep on going.
Same for Trans Ams, F350s and other USA-mobiles.
Dunno where y'all 're coming from this time Jessie Boy, but it's a great read anyhow!
geoff, Portencross, SCOTLAND
Nice one Jeremy and well done Yanks - anyone who can laugh at themselves and JC is OK in my book.
RB, Lauzun, France
I think comparing American and "European" cars is a bit narrow minded. I would say that American cars share more in common with Italian sports cars, built more for passion, sound, looks and excitement than performance, practicality and decent economy like British, German and Japanese cars. True Ferrari has masses of R and D but you get the picture. Plus just look at the price and consider how much cheaper to run it would be over there. I've driven an XKR an SL550 and neither were as much fun as a humble alfa 156 2.4jtd, and I've a feeling American cars are similar, pure and simple excitement, rather than needless pomp and occasion.
Kieran, St Andrews,
As an ex pat in California..I have to say ...I agree with you Jeremy wholeheartedly...
I have a theory..bear me out...
Sack all American car designers...abolish NASCAR or alternatively move middle America lock stock & barrel to Alaska.....build roundabouts instead of 2/3/4way stops and get rid of all the cops in patrol cars and put up cameras instead.
Overnight the American car industry will have to look at making cars that perform properly...and go around corners stop & not wallow like unweildy Hippos....then & only then will America be able to make & export cars to the rest of the world in any number......
Oh & it took moving to the States for me to buy a British car for the first time ever...A range Rover....& only because it cost half as much as it does in the UK & gas is $3.50 a smallish gallon!!
Mark , Carmel by the sea, CA
Don't believe everything Jeremy writes!
He secretly loves everything that is American and yearns in his soul to ditch this backward country to immigrate to the USA.
Mark, Maidstone, UK
Americans definitely do not make the best cars. But, the few good cars that we do make (Corvette, Viper, Mustang soon to be the Challenger) have character. Its not sophisticated, and its not meant to be... but, its the same character that made Jeremy say "It's as stupid, and wonderful as owning a pet elephant" and "it's wayward, it's backward... and i just don't care" about the new Viper. And if I'm not mistaken, thats the charm that the old Monaro and the new VXR-8 used to win the hearts of Jeremy, James and Richard.
Jeff Sloan, Kent, Ohio
Having driven a few yank tanks over here (the British outpost called Orstralya) I can only agree with your constant generalisation that American metal is crap!
I feel for the guys making Gear, unfortunately it won't last too long thanks to the fact that every TV network is beholden to their owners (advertisers) and as such things just won't work over there.... if the rumors are true that they will only review what they "love" then the show will just be challenges with the occasional review that looks like a sugar and lard filled Krispy Kreeme doughnut (sickly sweet & full of fat).
I feel the same thing for the SBS version of TG here in Australia..
So as long as Jeremy, James & Richard are working for the beeb, I'll keep looking forward for the torrents of the true TG.
..... and thanks for still loving the Commodore Jezza!
Paul, Melbourne, Australia
I'm so glad that Jeremy finally gets it.....or at least HALF of it.
Yes indeed, American cars don't travel very well. But then, neither do many European cars. Shall I give you the list of European vehicles that have been sent slinking away from our shores? Where are Peugeot, Fiat, Alfa (not coming back, despite what you may have heard), EVERYTHING British (oh, that's right, they're all gone from Britain as well), etc., etc., etc....
With the exception of VW, the remaining Euros can only survive at the top of their model ranges. And VW is questionable here.
Indeed, the only imported vehicles that have succeeded here (and yes indeed, they have done very well) are those Toyotas and Hondas that became so Americanized that they cannot be differentiated from the Buicks that Jeremy so (rightly) derides. Jeremy, the next time you're on this side of the pond, I would urge you to take out a Toyota Camry, a Honda Accord and then a Buick. There's precious little difference between them.
Mike Nassour, Austin, USA / TX
Typical of JC, entertaining to read; but save the effort to conclude it. You can try understand what he meant and have a cool smirk about it, don't agree with him. We should be glad he only likes to pick on those who're civilized and can stay fun being sarcastically embarrassed. The world would come to an end if JC were to pick on the Muslims in this manner ... haha!!
Cheers to Americans!
Bobby, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
The American bashing is older than time with you Jeremy. We know it sucks over here. Why do you have to keep bringing up the ridiculous stereotypes? The gimmick is lame and fails as a comedic medium with anyone over the IQ of 75. Do I have to start making fun of British teeth and comparing chavs and football hooligans to redneck Nascar fans? Will it make you feel better if I spell aluminium with that extra i because somebody dropped it off 200 years before I was born? They've been teaching the metric system for 50+ years and still haven't adopted it yet because we're just as stubborn as you. It's not my fault that most people aren't willing to spend the thousands of dollars it takes to cross the pond when it's cheaper to go elsewhere, but I'm about to drop $5k for a month long trip to visit a friend at St. Andrews and then go from Greece to Germany and get some use out of those 4 years of French I took. I love the show, but you wonder why it hasn't caught on in the US...
John Milne, Poway, USA / California
Oh, and one more note because I ran out of space. It's hardly fair to complain about your ratings when your own network, BBC America, insists on running previous seasons instead of new episodes. With an established base of viewers through bit-torrent and youtube it should seem obvious to air new episodes to lure us to the TV, but instead we get reruns, so I shall continue to ignore that sirens call and put forth the effort to get my fix of Hamster, Cpt. Slow and that big guy who talks funny.
John Milne, Poway, USA / California
"One note: you bash all American cars, yet didn't you vote for the Ford Mondeo as your 2007 car of the year? I know it's all bombast, but at least try to maintain some consistency."
Maybe because the Mondeo is European?
Mats, Stockholm, Sweden,
I have to admit it, and agree with Jeremy I love America but I know that I want to move to the UK one day. I agree, I have been trying to catch top gear on whatever channels they have, it's annoying that I have to get the real news online, or on KCET at 6pm for only an hour, when it becomes BBC world/ america. So even though Jeremy is being a little rude about the matter, at the same time he is totally correct
Joseph Kutchykov, Los Angeles, USA / California
you aren't very nice to us americans
Michael , Saint Louis , MO
Ah Jeremy. We all know you wish you were born American, what with the jeans, obsession with big engines and loudmouth attitude... but we can't all be so lucky. One note: you bash all American cars, yet didn't you vote for the Ford Mondeo as your 2007 car of the year? I know it's all bombast, but at least try to maintain some consistency.
Dave from Chicago, Chicago, IL
The thing with Americans is, they will buy any product regardless of inferiority as long as it has 'MADE IN AMERICA' somewhere on it.
Adam C, Hull,
lol @ Steve
Farrukh, Woking, UK
Even though I'm an American, I enjoy your show very much. I'm not necessarily a car person, but mainly your show is entertaining and funny which is why I watch. But there is one thing to point out, your show isn't popular in America because no car TV show is. They are usually on some obscure cable channel at 11am on Sundays, hardly prime time viewing hours.
Also, a few things:
1) Most people I know do not pronounce car company names they way you say we do.
2) As you put it, any American under the age of 55 would rather have syphilis than have a Buick as only the elderly drive Buicks in America.
3) Americans are often rightly criticized for being overly general in our characterizations of other countries, so please don't make the same mistake when describing the US and its citizens.
As I said above, I really do love the show and hope you have continued success.
Amp, Tallahassee, Florida
"So today it makes the Corvettes that race at Le Mans"
sorry, that would be Pratt & Miller, not Callaway.
cvt, ft lauderdale, fla
My wife who is from Orange County, California and has had to suffer me watching Top Gear over here in England for nearly 20 years has always failed to understand why JC has always criticised the US yet seems to jump at the chance to go over there - she has always thought he was jealous and given the chance would love to present a show over there but wouldn't be able to break through.
colin, london, england,
Great articel, I must say I have seen you're show. I understood it all, not ALL americans are the dumb creatures you por-tray them to be. PLlase consider are feelings some-time.
All the best
Brad Bass
brad bass, houston, Texas
So 'center' is an 'odd' spelling, is it? Then you'd bettre start changing the English language. Start with the words soccre and roundres and go on from there. Write me a lettre when you've finished, or bettre still, leave a message on my mail servre. And latre you can tell me why 'boot' is a more logical word than 'trunk' for something to put luggage in, and why 'pavement' is more logical than 'sidewalk' for the place at the side of the road you walk on.
And by the way, I'm English.
Steve Turpin, Madrid, Spain
To Jamie in Sydney. In case you had not noticed before, Australia has long been merely an outpost of the USA.
Eddie, Coventry, UK
I'm glad that Jeremy realizes that most of his US watchers are using Bit-torrents to get Top-Gear... I hope he realizes that NBC's chances of getting an American "Gear" show right rank somewhere around the same chances that US car-markers will understand what's wrong with their cars... For starters, Jeremy, Richard, and James tend to be highly conservative and anti-politically correct... which goes directly against NBC's policies to be as liberal as possible and always be extremely politically correct. Anyways, I think Top-Gear has a better chance of catching on the US through BBC Iplayer on the Wii and Gran Tourismo on the PS3.
Anyways, the rest of the article? Sounds like Callaway finally caught on, just like Roush on the Mustang side.
Jason Frothingham, Evans, USA / GA
Jeremy is looking for a " WE " ie the rest of the world vs usa.
many people world wide find the Americans insular and boorish.. WE in Australia used to call it soccer, but know its the beautiful game.
rwn, muston,
Oh yes, pretty funny - but inaccurate. I run a Jeep Cherokee and yes, I know its assembled in Austria from US parts except the engine. Its a pretty good vehicle in my opinion and a good many people agree as I seem to see a lot of them about....
Now if Ford were to produce the current Mustang here (with a better engine than the German 6-cylinder and designed to run on 95-octane petrol) I believe it would have a winner ! Its an excellent little car.
Don Hindle, Northampton, UK
his articles havent been this funny for a long time... i really had a good laugh this time around...keep it up!!! amazing sense of humour.
moe, toronto, canada
You do talk nonsense sometimes Jeremy. The Australians call football "soccor" too. Otherwise, keep up the good work.
Jamie, Sydney, Australia
Actually, Canada also refers to football as "soccer." So much for United Empire Loyalists. And they haven't made a really good Vette since the mid-1960s.
Rob, London, Canada
Don't cry Jeremy, we DO watch Top Gear over here, although it first became available to us on You Tube. It happens to be the show I watch on BBC America when the rest of my family is wasting their time watching American Idol. And don't worry about America, we can always be counted on to do the right thing when the rest of our options are exhausted..........
Joe Campbell, Hattiesburg, USA/MS
With all the speed cameras over there, what's the point, anyway?
I had a dream once, to ship a Mustang convertible to England and then tour the country. I guess that's just not really feasible anymore...
Gustav, Newport Beach, United States / California
American born and bred and my husband and I watch Top Gear every week. He loves the car stuff and I love British humor. Go figure!
Shannon, Atlanta,