David Aaronovitch
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The British”, my American friend said, “are a nation of hysterics masquerading as stoics.” The particular occasion of this comment was a shared copy of our local newspaper, which carried as its front-page picture-story - under the headline of “Fan denied her Sex and the City” - the tale of how a thirtysomething woman had not been able to book a single ticket online for a double sofa in the upmarket cinema round the corner.
There she was, the deprived person, looking mournful with the film poster in the background, although the cinema manager had pointed out that she could have phoned him and all would have been sorted out.
Where would have been the fun in that? If she had called, there wouldn't have been a grievance and she wouldn't have held up the front page. A week earlier my wife was listening to a BBC phone-in about the tax on elderly gas guzzlers, and had heard a van driver ring in to complain bitterly about the extra that he'd have to pay. His anger only doubled when it was pointed out to him that, actually, his vehicle was exempt because it was too old. “Yeah, cars maybe, but what about vans?” he demanded, not at all anxious to relinquish his grip on victimhood.
We are all victims and we must all have compensation. Even the church. Or rather, the Church. As Ruth Gledhill revealed on these pages on Saturday, a new report commissioned by the Church of England and entitled Moral, but No Compass, contains some pretty robust complaints about the institution's treatment at the hands of the Government. The report, according to the combined archbishops yesterday, “reveals a depressing level of misunderstanding of the scale and quality of contribution faith-based organisations make to the civil and civic life of our nation - our common good. This is particularly true in relation to the contribution of the Church of England.”
This is the polite version. The blogging Bishop of Buckingham, Alan Wilson, writing from his troubled, tenement-strewn dystopolis of Great Missenden wrote in support of the report that: “Politicians haven't, by and large got a clue about majority religions in this country on the ground. They don't even know, or apparently care, how many people and buildings there are, let alone what they do! It's pathetic.”
Makes you wonder what happens at all those MPs' surgeries that deprives politicians of the insights gained by rank-and-file prelates.
There is, too, an interesting sub-theme. The report contains the line: “The Government has focused so intensely on minority faiths that it has failed to develop a coherent evidence base for the largest religious body in the UK, the Christian Church.”
This is, of course, a leap of logic. Has the intense focus on “minority faiths” (ie, Islam) anything whatsoever to do with inadequate “mapping” of the CofE? One doubts it.
That focus is surely the consequence of the dangers posed by radicalised members of a growing faith about which, before 9/11, we all knew far too little.
Had former choirboys at Salisbury Cathedral begun stockpiling fertilisers and detonators, while recording last testaments to be played after their self-immolation (perhaps against the backdrop of a picture of the Archbishop of York), there might have been an intense establishment focus on what even the Bishop of Buckingham had to say. As it happens even an atheist like me can recite the Lord's Prayer in full.
So it is hard to understand this report as anything other than a cry of “What about us?”. And I enjoyed the inevitable implication, made by the author of the preface to the report, Bishop Stephen Lowe, that the Conservatives seemed to have a better grasp of what more should be rendered by Caesar unto the Church.
The Tories, he suggested, better comprehended the local activities of the Anglicans and how the Church's role could be advanced. Though he might have reflected on why that was. Was it possibly that a disproportionate number of practising Anglicans live in Conservative areas? Or that a disproportionate number of members of other faiths live in Labour ones?
But above all what struck me was the tone of grievance. Would you have guessed from all this that a quarter of all primary schools and a twentieth of all secondary schools in England are state-funded Church of England faith schools, and that this number has steadily grown under “Moral, but no compass” Labour? Some of these operate with a real social conscience, and some are just selective middle-class boltholes.
Would you imagine that 26 members of the House of Lords - free to intervene and vote in all debates - are bishops of the Church of England? What kind of job have they been doing if no one in government is aware of their activities? Perhaps a woman bishop or two might liven things up, but somehow, even in 2008, you can't have women bishops.
I am emphatically not saying that faith organisations are unimportant or that they don't do many good things. But why should the Government, as the report recommends, give taxpayers' money to church organisations specifically to invest in areas such as education and art? Is it really for the benefit of the poor?
What I hear in the undertone of this report is the whining and unsacred tone of middle-class entitlement; you're giving the dosh and recognition to the Muslims, not to us. It's a noise that will rise in a crescendo as our economic difficulties deepen.
This week the Government has announced that it will allow Manchester to bring in a congestion-charging scheme. Immediately the “no” lobby, as it did in London, concentrates it opposition on the supposed impact on “poor” drivers. Crocodile tears! Nearly a third of Greater Manchester households - the poorest - have no access to a car, and might benefit from improved public transport. In the same way, opposition to polyclinics being established in London is being sold on the basis that it is somehow bad for the poor. Actually some GPs - who are not poor - are much more worried about the impact on themselves.
A young Cabinet minister once told me that the principal problem in his constituency was that the poor made too few demands on the system, not too many. They failed to claim benefits, where middle-class folks were assiduous at claiming theirs. They tended not to vote, not to complain, not to write to local papers, not (one imagines) to make a fuss if they couldn't get a single-sofa seat. They were - unlike the Church of England, the BMA and me - lacking in a sense of entitlement.

David Aaronovitch is a writer, broadcaster and commentator on international politics and the media. He writes for The Times Comment page on Tuesdays. He has previously written for The Guardian, The Observer and The Independent, winning numerous accolades, including Columnist of the Year 2003 and the 2001 Orwell prize for journalism. He has appeared on the satirical TV current affairs programme Have I Got News For You and made radio broadcasts on historical topics
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On government lack of church info-
Over here church and government co-commissioned a report on church buildings and their uses, which found 50% had no useful social role.
Under the terms of the report, it was considered incomplete until the last bishop passed comment. Curiously he never did!
Stuart Hartill, Ramsey, Isle of Man,
I hope the post about hospital beds being turned to Mecca each 5 hrs is a joke. All religions are mad-made myths. Pure fiction and a sure sign of madness. If some peoples minds cannot grasp that, let them shove their own bed.
Betsy Wright, Barnet, Herts.,
I think The Cof E would do well to learn from the Jews; to maintian a dignified silence rather than seek out every means to wallow in perceived injustices.
Brian Lexington, Paris,
I am religious, I have chosen to be a christian, I cannot fault the 10 commandments. There may be a God, might have been a Christ, could have been any number of other religious entities but as a general guideline, find me a better one than the 10 commandments and I'm listening.
Terry, Radstock, England
The problem with Christianity was Emperor Constantine dicated what it should stand for some 300 years after the death of Jesus.He added lies.
All religions are bogus.I have never met a religious person who has actually experienced what they are preaching.
They just believe what they read.
James, London, UK
The Church of England's fatal mistake was to replace Jesus Christ and the ten commandments with John Rawls, the 'prophet' of modern Anglo-American liberalism, and his humanist diktats.
I suggest the C of E adopt democratism, the rule of the democratic majority, as its primary focus henceforth.
Terry, London, UK
I agree with a lot Aaronovitch says and I'm an active 'paid up' member of the CoE - Christianity was once regarded as a revolutionary religion - many of its principles still are but how they are interpreted and acted upon by the Church and individuals can often undermine them - let the privileges go
Sonia, Canberra, Australia
Fred, so only CofE kids should get places in good state schools? How thoroughly unChristian. Jaques, I was raised Quaker and admire the values, I just don't think a state-funded school is the right place for ANY one denomination. We live near enough to get in regardless; not all non-CoE parents do.
Kate, London, UK
Oh, and Fred- why should I go private, when my taxes are paying for a good state school two streets away? Are you saying that the top 75% of state-funded places should be reserved for CofE kids, and the rest should be condemned to a sink school? I repeat: a very poor example of Christian thinking.
Kate, London, UK
Its tough being a sycophantic government lackey. If you had any sensitivity and honesty, David Aaronovitch, you would:
1. Declare your own income, not just snidely decry the income of others.
2. Declare your own faith,:
3. Tell us how life is in Hampstead, and why you chose to live there.
Wilson, London, UK
David, did the Bishop of Durham ever tell you which secular groups in the UK wanted to get rid of surplus old people?
An excellent analysis here. As many predicted, the result of the State reaching out to faith groups has been only to pitch one agin the other in an unholy scramble for privilege
Alistair, Crieff, UK
Yes, your analysis is correct.
However the C of E knows, as always was,make enough noise create enough fuss your demands will be meet.
On a Casualty course I was told "Ignore the ones kicking and shouting, they well (probably) survive. Go for the ones lying quite and still they need help most.
Peter Bolt, Redditch, UK
The CoFE has singularly failed to keep pace with the times and, characteristically, is now seeking to blame politicians for its own leaders' failings. Church leaders need to get to grips with modern society and revamp their institution if it is to avoid further decline.
ANdy, London,
Often outside urban areas there is no realistic choice to "faith" schools - the church has a quasi-monopoly on education in places. The church already gets far too much state money, which it then can spend selectively on the faithful.
Nick, France,
Is the Cof E actually the largest religious body in the UK? In terms of property yes it is, but what about paid up members? (Yes, you do have to pay) There are a lot of other UK Christians plus Moslems, Jews, Hindu and others who when all counted together are now clearly in the majority.
Boris, London, United Kingdom
"What is means by the Lord's Prayer", Matt? othing at all - it's a mantra.
Rosemary, Germany,
D Case, Newquay
"Their stance on homosexuals for instance, spot on." What, do you mean that the holy-joes have finally admitted that sexuality is a personal and private matter for the individual and that to discriminate against someone on those grounds is wholly unacceptable?
Great, about time!
Bill, Glasgow,
The C of E should be diestablished, why? Because then everyone would stop carping on about it's pirvilideges. Does it have influence? Debateable at best. As for civlised society well I suppose that should allow all views whether we like them or not!
Steven, Buckhurst Hill,
Hang on, aren't most of us middle class these days? Don't we pay nearly all the taxes? Why on earth is being part of the best section of society grounds to ignore us?
Rupert, Cambridge,
First Class article.The Church of England are out of touch with the majority of the population and so they have to blame someone and at the moment its got to be the government.The Church of England is elitist .Becoming a cheer leader for David Cameron and the Tory party wont bring back the punters.
Bill Rees, Truro, Cornwall
Thank you Mr Aaronovitch. Finally, a voice of sense on this issue. It was a joy to read this!
Steve, Cardiff, UK
Those who sneer at parents "faking" religion to send thier kids to certain schools are oblivious to the structural unfairness in the system. There are no "atheist only" schools excludeding believers, so the non-religious have less choice, and the believers preferential treatment. But still moan!
Nick, France,
you may, Mr Aaronovitch , be able to re sight the Lords prayer, but do you understand what is meant by it?
matt, cheltenham, uk
Belief, and hence religion, is an entirely private matter. Those who, because of their primitive beliefs, wish to inflict a religious education on their children, should pay for it themselves.
An while we're at it, no need to throw the bishops out of the House of Lords, just scrap it.
Bryan, Lancashire,
The C of E is OK, setting standards but imposing nothing but it is not involved enough in the community. Most organised religions seem to value Doctrine over morality and ethics and this makes questionable standards. Non believers and Athiests also strongly favour and support evolutionary goodness.
Keith, Rayleigh, England
As I recall, the report was referred to as "an important Church of Englanf report. I'll repeat my comment; Surely to the vast majority of people "important Church of England report" is an oxymoron. I trust it will get the treatment it deserves.
Bill Peter, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
I suspect that David Aaronovitch is right about the 'whingeing' tone of the CoE in regard to their perceived importance. Wisdom and morality can come from several quarters, including other Christian denominations, Judaism, Islam, Hindus and secularists. The CoE are right to pinpoint morality though.
Bob Ericson, Tewkesbury, Glos, UK
David ignores the fact that the C of E is not only present in middle class areas but in every area across the country, rich, poor, rural or urban, often one of the last groups living and working in some of the most deprived areas with clergy living in the parishes they serve, not in leafy suburbs.
Mark, Lowestoft,
I'm Middle Class and I'm entitled DAVID !!!!
Lets face it, its the taxes from the Middle Classes which fund the looney ideas of the governing liberal elite at present.
ian payne, walsall,
plenty of evidence for what the c of e claims. note, for example, how the largest church in europe was robbed of its site (and offered nothing anywhere near) for the olympics but part of the olympics building project allows for the construction of europe's largest mosque.
gwana, london,
Thank you David, once again you cut through the waffle and get to the real points.
What we have from the Bishops of this country is the religious equivalent of the colonial sahibs and memsahibs decrying the end of empire; so desperately wanting to be taken seriously again, wanting someone to blame
Barry, Hornchurch, UK
I agree with much of what you say. But, at root of this all, is the sense that Labour has lost touch with 'England' and actually doesn't like the 'English' very much. This is not just a middle class perception - the anger in working class wards on this issue is particularly strong.
Mark, Berkhamsted,
No doubt we'll see and hear more and more from the Christian churches trying to assert themselves in competition with an assertive Islam in the UK. It's loud enough as it is. Roll on the secularisation of the UK so Christianity, Islam, and the other religions compete in the private sphere only.
David Jones, Loughborough, UK
Kate, don't forget that your atheism is also value set. If you're an intelligent and responsible parent your child needs to be shown a moral framework for life, and no matter how repugnant the details of religion are, Christianity forms a basis for civilised behaviour. You child can choose later.
Jacques Francis, Westcott, UK
To Tom, from Witney. If you're talking about ever crazier legislation and privilege, then you need look no further than the C of E. Their views on gay adoption and marriage, scientific advancement and the causes of floods are archaic and often counter to modern thinking.
Matt, Brighton, UK
Presumably as an atheist Kate you will send your child to the failing school or are you prepared to be a hypocrite and grab the best available education. Funny how many people get a bout of religion when school choice is involved. If church schools offend you so much, go private.
Fred, London, UK
Well said! The Church seems to expect all kinds of religious privileges (including, bizarrely, exemption from laws around equality) without ever quoting stats of how many people actually attend Church, i.e actively support their religion. Were they to do so, they may find that they ARE the minority
Sophie, Liverpool,
Quite right. For too long we have had to listen to religions of all shades demanding special treatment that is not warranted. Religion is a free choice. It is no coincidence that the decline in religion began when the choice to be not religious was allowed, and the majority have made that choice.
Steve, Altrincham,
What do you know about the CoE? They are right on just about everything, not that a Labour sycophant would see it that way. Their stance on homosexuals for instance, spot on. What labour fail to understand is that how we feel about certain things cannot be changed by passing laws, ever!
D Case, Newquay,
What I hear in Mr A's tone is the fanatical fundamentalism that endorses each and every demand made by Muslim 'leaders' as New Labour defers to ever crazier legislation and privilege.
Are beds still being turned to Mecca by hard pressed nurses in Dewsbury, every five hours?
Tom, Witney, UK
There are four primary schools local to us. One is failing, the other three are C of E. As atheists, our child will be sent to a school that is funded by our taxes, but discriminates in favour of C of E children in admissions, then indoctrinates all pupils throughout their education. Great.
Kate, London, UK
An organisation that believes in discrimination against women and gay people has no place in a civilised society.
fred, london,
Spot on David.What I suspect the C of E really resents is the general populous who have no wish to attend church and listen obediently to religious leaders.
iain rae, Tunbridge Wells, U.K.